Have you ever felt very far away from God? That even if you pray really really hard, still it seems like your prayers are just bouncing off the ceiling?
A couple of weeks ago, I experienced spiritual dryness. I felt really really drain, I was seeking for wisdom and encouragement from other believers. I lost my appetite in reading His Word and it felt like He was not answering my prayers at all.
Despite of all that coldness I felt between the two of us, I didn't give up praying and seeking Him. I stayed connected with Christian friends and they kept me in their prayers. God, thank you for sending me those people! :)
And now, I'm good! Sometimes it's all in our emotions. We feel He's not listening BUT He actually is, He knows everything. The enemy is just putting that feeling to distract you and to feel vulnerable in hopeless situations. So, when you get to that season of your life, always remember that HE is real no matter what we feel. I love what my life group leader said, "Even if you're on hype, it doesn't mean that you're not spiritually dry. It's an everyday decision to love and obey Jesus." :)
When I was sharing that to some Christian friends, I've been saying that it seems like I've already lost my dreams because I've surrendered them already and just wanna follow His Will for me. I've been feeling so blank these days about the path I want to venture. It seems like I'm not passionate anymore into anything, I'm just passionate to Him alone. There's really no desire in my heart to reach my dreams.
BUT then He spoke to me when I was in the washroom, He interrogated me with a lot of stuff about it and He said that it's not true. His voice was very clear saying that I'm just lazy to nurture my talents that's why I've settled and telling people around me that I'm waiting for His will to be done.
The moment I heard it, I was ashamed of myself big time! That's why I kept saying sorry and ask for His forgiveness. Then, I texted my friend about this. Which made me realized that one of the main reasons why I've settled is simply because I'm afraid of failure and I don't know where to excel, so I've stopped and settled.
You see, I believe I am one of the blessed people God has ever created. He has given me a lot of talents and abilities. However, I don't have expertise not even one! I started to think that sometimes it's better just to have one talent, at least you know that it's the only thing you have to nurture. :O
But then a godly friend made me realized that what the crowd has to say doesn't matter because we only have one audience and that is Him. That was a really painful revelation to me. The fact that i haven't surrendered the area of my life where I'm still trying to please other people by my gifted works.
Yes, my friend is right, I just have one audience. And whatever I desire doing, I should dedicate it to Him. Which I'm doing at work but still I keep praying that He would give the desire of my heart the thing that I am passionate about that would magnify and glorify Him.
Thank you God for the revelation! I love you! :0
