I started my day with extreme heaviness in my chest. I felt really tired on the weekend..
And TODAY was actually one of the difficult days in my entire life.
HAVE YOU EVER FELT LIKE GIVING UP ON YOURSELF?
God has never created a perfect human being. All of us have flaws and weaknesses, we can't be perfect like we're trying to be. I KNOW, YOU KNOW, WE KNOW! But don't you think it's just too tiring having same mistakes over and over? Reminding yourself everyday and even praying about it but still can't just do things right. :(
I've been feeling that way this passed few days. I know my weaknesses and I own them up and lay it down to God. I know what to do with it but for some reason, I still respond in anger and frustration. I just can't help but to feel really really down. It doesn't affect my relationship with God, though! I'm actually more close to Him whenever I feel this. It's just that it's really hard to convince yourself that you maybe can't do it perfectly but God can able and that all you need to do is to trust Him. And I do trust Him, I guess I'm just fed up that makes me feel afraid and feel like I can't go on.
So, while I was working this morning, I was praying really hard, telling Him how I feel (which He knows even if I don't tell Him) and asking Him questions at the same time.
I said,
"Lord, I'm tired, really! As in, super tired! I'm tired of saying sorry over and over to my boss. Little, big and stupid errors, whatever it is, I'm tired of it. I tired of telling her I missed this one because I forgot or I didn't check or pay attention but I keep telling her anyway, instead of lying and make excuses! God, you know I never lied to her and never made excuses just to escape from the mess. I never mind looking stupid in the eyes of people, I always tell the truth. I'm just tired facing up my weaknesses and realizing that I'm always good at messing things up. I'm tired, Lord.. I'm tired.. And if I'm tired saying sorry what more is her? I'm pretty sure she's tired hearing the same explanation over and over. Lord, please, I'm tired!" :(
And You know what He said?
I heard His voice saying,
"Why are you tired saying sorry to her? Do you also feel that way whenever you ask for my forgiveness? Do you think I get tired as well?"
The moment I heard that, I couldn't help but smile. Sure, I need to do my work properly because God is using my job or my boss as the channel of His blessings to me. However, I need to always remind myself that at the end of the day, it is God who I need to pursue not my boss, my family, friends or mentors. It is always Him. I should never give up on myself or feel tired coz God never felt that way and will never give up and get tired of me. It is proven! People may get tired of me but not Him.
I remember last Sunday when one of the pastors at my church said that whatever occupies us, it is the thing that we are pursuing. It may be our career, business, money, love life but he hopes it is God that we pursue coz it's really all about Him.
As I ended my day, I couldn't help but to thank and praise God for all He has done. He is truly my strength. I can't imagine my day without Him. I wonder how I would respond to this kind of situation without His presence.
This is an encouragement to all of us..
There are really days in our lives where we feel this way, where our spirits get really really low while facing up our weaknesses and unexpected circumstances BUT fear not because there is God that can give us strength and His grace is sufficient for you and me. All we need it to do it to trust and stand in His presence.
JESUS IS OUR STRENGTH, just Him. :)
<3
I love you, O Lord, my strength.
Psalm 18:1
I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13
For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
the Lord bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.
Psalm 84:11
"My presence will go with you and I will give you rest."
Exodus 33:14
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
2 Corinthians 12:9
Give all your worries and cares to God for He cares about you.
1 Peter 5:7
**Above are the verses I love to meditate whenever I feel down or whenever I face circumstances. You may be feeling perfectly fine at the moment but you might need those verses in the future to meditate as well :)**
