One afternoon, when I was walking on my way home I started to think and evaluate how my day went. I committed minor errors at some of my tasks and of course, I slightly felt sad about it. I started to feel like I would never ever finish a week without committing errors. And the thing is, whenever I commit errors it affects my relationship with my boss.
How many of you know or feel when you make something incorrectly at work it's hard for you to face your boss? And you get irritated with yourself and start beating yourself up mentally over and over again! I'm so good at that. In fact, whenever I make mistake, it feels like our relationship is breaking into pieces one by one so, it's like I just want to avoid her. Like sometimes, I feel like I just want to ask question to her and all she needs to do is just to answer that and period. But of course, that's no good. So, I always force myself to talk to her more whenever I make mistakes. My question was WHY is it like that? Why do we always feel so ashamed after committing mistakes? Seriously, it makes me not concentrate and focus on my tasks because the errors keep bursting in. It makes me hard to go on!
And this week, it's been my "kaizen" to figure out my problem and find ways to improve my brain because obviously, I want to keep my job. But first, I had to do my Bible study and my T4V assignments. :)
As I was doing the chapter one of my Purple Book earlier, God has revealed something to me that mirrors my question above. The first chapter was about Sin & Salvation. It actually refreshed my mind from the creation God to the fall of man in Genesis.
When God placed Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, God so loved them that He provided everything to them. WOW! Imagine if you were in the position of Adam and Eve, it could be really an amazing life because you wouldn't need to worry about what to eat or drink, plus, you have a close contact relationship with God! However, God commanded them not eat from one tree in the Garden because it bore forbidden fruit and if they eat it they will die. The thing is, since Adam and Eve were innocents they didn't understand that God was actually meant for death during that time was separation with Him. So, the two disobeyed God and sinned. When their eyes got open, they realized they were naked and sewed fig leaves to cover up and hid themselves from the presence of God. However, God still sought humanity and even if they sinned and got kicked out from the Garden of Eden, He showed His mercy by providing that animals could be sacrificed for sins atonement and later on, Jesus.
When we sin against God we usually hide our faces in His presence just like what Adam and Eve did. I can really relate into that because sometimes when I tell little lies or disobey Him, I feel like I am not qualified to worship Him even if I already asked for His forgiveness. And even when I'm worshiping Him, sometimes no matter how hard and soulfully I worship Him, still, it feels like it's not authentic! But then again, that's the enemy's job to distract us and make us feel that we need to perform more and that God could never forgive us just like that. I think that's one reason why some believers are backliding. The enemy is doing a great job in planting in their minds that they are not worthy to worship God because of their sins and repentance is just nothing. However, we forget that what we have is a forgiving God! That the moment we are thinking of asking forgiveness, He already forgave us! WOW! What a merciful and loving God! :)
Anyway, I'm sharing this because it's like my situation with my boss. Whenever I commit errors, I apologize and let me go on with my work but still, I feel like my apologies are not enough, so, it makes me feel really disconnected with her. Of course, I have to improve and find better ways to avoid making mistakes because it's my job to be accurate at work and I want to keep it. But then, again, I just realized that just like God my boss is merciful to me! Despite of the hundreds of error I make (I really hope not hundreds, I'm exaggerating) she still asks and figures out how it happens a lot times. And she's even the ones adjusting sometimes and helping me out to improve. I appreciate her for that.
BUT please, don't get me wrong I'm not putting God and my boss in the same level, I'm just trying to connect the situations. God is the highest, of course! So, likewise, since I appreciate how merciful our God is and the value of His grace, I'm living my life as a Thank You to Him and trying not to fall to sin (with the help and guidance of the Holy Spirit.) And since, I also appreciate the patience of my boss to me, I just googled an exercise online that would help me improve my attention to details. I'm setting up a quiz for myself everyday and I will post it here for fun! You see, attention to detail is not for everyone, so, since I love my job, I better help myself to improve! :)
