Last night while listening to the preaching at my church, a revelation came in. Then, I thought that maybe it was an answered prayer. Earlier that day while I was preparing for church, I was talking to God asking Him a lot of questions about my purpose. I was telling Him that at present He is the only reason why I live or that He's the only one that I live for. And then, I couldn't help but to ask Him if I'm still in the right path.
I was asking Him these questions:
.. Am I fulfilling your purpose?
.. Is it really you who put me into this job or is it me?
.. Are you still there guiding me all the way? Or am I just walking alone?
Also, I was asking Him to guide me and show me clear directions, so I could fulfill His purpose and continuously follow Him.
Now, like what I've said, He answered my prayer. While our pastor was preaching about the series "Love Different: Follow Your Heart", a revelation popped in saying that I made a right decision of following His command nine months ago. I remember asking Him that time if I should look for another job or stay and His voice was very clear saying "You stay, I'm with you. You will learn a lot." Same voice that I've been hearing lately. And He is right. I've been learning a lot in my job. However, I thought it was just about me learning but I was totally wrong. Last night, He made me realize that it's actually not about me at all! It's about HIM using me to fulfill His purpose for other people. YES, He's been using me... :)
LOOK! He's right! It's not an accident that I got to be friend with a passionate dreamer who's now getting really really passionate in walking with Jesus. It's not an accident that I've been friend with a wife trying to be strong and now believing for healing through building a relationship with God. It's not an accident that I got to hang out with a sixteen-year-old girl who is on fire for Jesus and asking for guidance not to go astray. Also, it is not an accident that one of the closest person and I found our road back to God. And finally (I've been praying and believing for this), it is not an accident that I am surrounded with lost people.. people who are tired to go with the flow and meet the standard of this world... people who really want to know Jesus but afraid to take a baby step because they are afraid to feel left out in this world.
You see, I've been having the idea of God using me long time ago but I never thought that the career that I have is really really much greater than I thought. I thought He's just using this job as a channel of His blessing to me and to increase my skills. I really thought it's all about ME! See? That's how self-centered I am! I always think about myself that sometimes I don't even get noticed the essential things happening on the side.
BUT IT IS ALL ABOUT HIM.
And you don't know how grateful I am to know this revelation. I am just so honored being used by Him. Like this time, I need to remind myself over and over that my self-centeredness will just ruin His purpose He has for me and for the people around me.
IMAGINE if I didn't obey Him nine months ago.. IMAGINE if just acted upon emotion (Lord, you know how depressed I was back then) and based my decision right on the way I felt.. IMAGINE if I just pretended that I didn't hear His voice that time..
WELL, I really can't imagine! :D
BUT thank You, God!You just made me realize that it's always Your Will that should be done not mine. And right now, I just don't care if I'm suffering or hurt or frustrated! Emotions are emotions, Your purpose matters. If my suffering would fulfill Your plans for other people to get saved and know You..
GO AHEAD, Lord!
Have it Your way! :)
