I suddenly remember my college years.. specifically, the time where my eyes got opened into the things of this world. Things seemed so peculiar back then and I remember myself dazed and exhausted of finding ways to decipher the things of this world and trying to sync myself in its pattern.
I WAS BUSY DOING A LOT OF THINGS.
However, that busyness was never a distraction in my quiet introspection.
I was driven by my emotions and although my time was consumed with disturbing thoughts! My emotions and thoughts were in the battlefield and of course, the winner had always been my emotions. I had this heavy feeling of discomfiture. I really didn't know why I was doing things but at the same time, I knew that there was something inside of me.
Something that I couldn't help but to wonder why I'd been seeing and noticing those things. I believe it was not a simple judgment, the things my eyes had seen aren't something to ignore about.
I SEE PEOPLE
blown away like chaff in the wind because they stay in an attitude of complacency
doing things to impress strangers
trying to create their identities on social media sites
stealing just to get what they want
inventing stories about themselves just to fit in
pathologically lying just to keep their constructed realities about themselves
spending too much time and money on themselves to look and feel good
playing with other people's emotions to get significance
ruining their bodies just to look cool
AND the list goes on....
That made me ask the big WHY.
However, the worst part was, I knew about those things mentioned above and still, there were times I found myself being those kind of people.
Later on, I realized I was doing those things to conform from the pattern of this world to be loved and liked. But still, I felt weird of knowing those stuff! There was inside of me telling me not to conform and so I tried not to but I was ended up being coined as someone who has a brain disorder. Yea, right! A friend said that to me because she said I'm not typical and the things that I like are weird!
How offensive and painful but that also made me thought that she could be right.. I may have some boo-boo in my brain that needs to be taken out that's why I notice and spend time thinking and analyzing things from this world! It freaked me out so bad!
BUT THINGS ARE PRETTY DIFFERENT TODAY AND THE ANSWERS ARE NOW RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES :)
It's a thing called ALIENATION.
I've been feeling alienated in this world because I AM NOT FROM THIS WORLD!
I am just a passer by and that there are more to life than here and now!
..He has planted eternity in the human heart..
Ecclesiastes 3:11
You know why I am so amazed and rejoicing right now? BECAUSE God has already planted eternity in my heart during my teenage years despite of me not knowing Him at all! Though I haven't understood this whole idea of being alienated but I appreciate the fact that He is in control of EVERYTHING!
Sometimes we think it is us who has chosen to follow Him but the truth is, it's always been Him who initiates the first move for us to have faith. It's always been Him who pursues us!
And the confusion, depression and discomfort I felt before in search of the truths in this world were not just a product of chemical reaction but I WAS DESIGNED TO FEEL THAT WAY BECAUSE I AM MADE TO LAST FOREVER. :)
For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come.
Hebrews 13:14 NLT
