Hi Blogger,
It's been awhile. Forgive me for not writing for a long time. I'd like to say that I've been very very busy with life but I don't want to lie.
Life has been a never-ending test this year. I thought I was prepared for it but I was wrong. I keep on failing! Please don't get me wrong, I don't rely on my own strength, I know I cannot do things on my own. It just sucks to be a disappointment to your own self.
The truth is, I hate tests! In fact, I have never been really good at tests. If there is a board exam in my field of study, I am pretty sure I won't pass, thank goodness there's none! However, I know life is a series of tests especially if you have faith. And it's funny, especially when you keep preaching that to others and yet, you can't even pass one.
The tests overwhelm me and every time I fail, I can hear ugly voices telling me how loser and mess I am. It has been easy for me to understand that I go through seasons of life but it has been hard to respond in the right way. It's been a battle of the flesh and spirit. I've been very very unstable.
I can feel that the world was eating me whole and alive. There were nights when I couldn't sleep thinking of the old version of me. Wanting to go back for a while thinking that maybe they are right, I am being too extreme.
BUT His arms are too strong hugging me so tight, He won't let me go. Reminding me not go back in the old ways and that I am not finished yet. Calling me His princess with a royal blood, so, it is no good for me to eat stuff from the garbage or even just to stay in that place. Encouraging me that He will finish the good work He has started in me and making me assure that I am 100% loved and accepted because of what He did 2000 years ago.
He has never fail to comfort me when there is no one around to do so. Not only that, His comfort is so powerful that He also uses me to comfort others. His love is so big that makes my faithless soul thirsts for it. I cannot imagine my existence without Him.
Though there are times when I feel exiled and just want to immediately go to the home He has promised, His Spirit is too strong reminding me to wait and finish the tasks He has assigned to me.
This is a little short compare to the many months I abandoned you but I promise that I will make it up to you very very soon.
Thank you for the time and I miss you!
The loved & found,
C
