A few hours ago, I was asking God why some people are having a hard time to forgive despite of the knowledge that we are all forgiven through Jesus?
I find this really hard to understand especially for men.
I know two men who are hating each other for a very long time. They verbally punch each other and love proving that both of them are right.
I actually know why they feel that way to each other. The thing is, they both have faith in Jesus and even understand the Gospel.
I don't want to think that they don't really understand the cost of what Jesus did for us because who am I to say that, right? But I really don't get why it's hard for them to accept that none of them are perfect so why not forgive each other and break free from those bondages?
Then, I've started reading the book by Deborah Tannen, You Just Don't Understand.
Yes, I'm back to reading gender communication styles.
Just finished chapter 1 actually and it makes me rememeber my college days. My professor in Communication Theory class was the one who introduced Deborah Tannen's studies to us.
Just like from what I learned in college, she stresses to her book that most of the problem in relationships is communication. We have to understand the difference between men and women's communication styles.
These are the parts that struck me the most :
"I now see that my husband was simply engaging the world in a way that many men do: as an individual in a hierarchical social order in which he was either one up or one down. In this world, conversations are negotiations in which people try to achieve and maintain the upper hand if they can, and protect themselves from others' attempts to put them down and push them around. Life, then, is a contest, a struggle to preserve independence and avoid failure."
"I, on the other hand, was approaching the world as many women do: as an individual in a network of connections. In this world, conversations are negotiations of closeness in which people try to seek and give confirmation and support, and to reach consensus. They try to protect themselves from others' attempts to push them away. Life, then, is a community, a struggle to preserve intimacy and avoid isolation. Though there are hierarchies in this world too, they are hierarchies more of friendship than of power and accomplishment."
And what she is saying is all true, right? I think I already learned about this when I was in college but I maybe I forgot. @____@
Perhaps I would never ever understand why those two men keep verbally punching each other because my conversational style is different from them. However, if life is a contest for them and they keep avoiding failure for their statuses, then I must understand that they're carrying heavy baggage full of junk!
So, instead of feeling irritated every time they do sword fencing in front of me, I should ask God for grace for me to keep silent and remind me that people with heavy baggage are too tired and tend to react in a way that can hurt others.
And maybe men and women have different conversational styles but both are created by an awesome Creator. Though created and customized in different ways with different roles to play, both are equal and loved!
So, for those men I'm writing here, maybe their stoned hearts are hard as nails to each other today but soon I'm in faith that God will turn those into flesh! And I know God has been touching their hearts right now. And I can't wait for that time to happen. :-)
