The message of the preaching at the service I attended was very powerful. The preacher was stressing that we are all in a race and we need to fix our eyes on Jesus in order to get into that finish line.
Message was amazing, however, just like what the preacher mentioned as one of the things that we need to take off along the race, EVERYTHING THAT HINDERS.
That very moment the preacher was stressing that point, there was one hindrance that came along to distract me to fully understand God's message.
I know it's been a really long time since I last posted about a guy in this blog. It maybe a year or two, I guess. And I actually haven't written about this here but I've been crushing someone in our congregation since the time I started attending.
And that a lil long time crush of mine sat at the back of my seat during the service!
Was really trying to focus my mind on the preaching and the Holy Spirit was even helping me by whispering that he doesn't look at me nor even care about the one sitting in front of him.
I'm open with my close friends that I got a crush on him BEFORE. I've been convincing myself that he is just a former crush now after the retreat where we teamed up together. But that was actually a total denial! I still have crush on him and I couldn't count the moments where instead of thinking important things I choose to imagine scenarios with him in different situations.
Until I read a post just a while ago written by a truly intellectual godly man in our congreagation, too. His post was about the messages he's been receiving from ladies telling him that they got a crush on him because of his posted articles. Well, his line of thinking is very admirable, so, you cannot blame those ladies. :-D
He wrote a big bang to all kinds of women today. I could actually feel the annoyance on his part while writing it but his point is truly something that we should not miss.
I like how he's saying on that post that having a crush on him is pointless because he cannot save them nor even feed himself. He is saying that crushing on him or a celebrity or a public figure is a waste of time. You are wasting the time that is supposed to be for God. Only Jesus can save you not your crushes you always daydream.
Wow! I really can't imagine tha a guy would respond to crush messages like that. Today, women are not the only attention seekers in this world and always want to loook good but even men. And those crush messages are perfect stuff to make him feel manly, cool and good looking BUT it doesn't flatter him. It actually insults him because his main goal is for his readers to understand the message he likes to convey.
Though I can still feel the punch after reading it, I still believe that it is not an accident that I got to his blog.
You see, that crush of mine is a big distraction to me! I'm not saying it's bad to have a crush, it's okay but my case is different! It's really bad. The physical admiration I've got for him hinders me to a much deeper relationship with God.
Believe me, I just don't want to write the whole thing here because it's embarrassing. :-D
That crush of mine doesn't even think of me and I'm pretty sure of that, he doesn't even smile at me when we see each other at church, he just look though we became group mates. I doubt if he remembers my name! So in reality, he doesn't deserve even just three seconds of my time.
The point is, why waste my time to someone who doesn't even know me by name when there is the One who knows me by name and love me unconditionally and sacrificially? That no matter how hard I mess up and disobey, He is always there for me. The One who has saved me!!!!
I'm sad while writing this not because I have to let go of that church crush of mine but because I feel like I've been setting aside Jesus without realizing it. And that I tolerated the simple attraction that hinders me from fixing my eyes to the author and perfector of faith.
More sad because Christian and non-christian friends always come to me for prayers and encouragement. They feel like my faith is too high because they see me as someone who is very in love with Jesus and others even look up to me but they don't know that there's also this part of me.
Haayyy Lord. Help me fix my eyes on you!
This is truly an eye opener. :-(
