Red Emma

"If I ever love a man again, I will give myself to him without being bound by the rabbi or the law, and when that love dies, I will leave without permission." - Emma Goldman, 1889

I was very inspired with this controversial statement. Just last week my friend Jb and I were talking every thing under the sun just to entertain ourselves. And suddenly, I asked her who does she think on earth imposed that lovers should have commitment with each other. And of course she answered in a very stereotypical explanation which every one knows. I don't know but I don't like the term "boyfriend-girlfriend" and "break-up" when it comes to relationship. Well as for me, if you love someone then love him, you guys doesn't need to tell the world that you are officially boyfriends and girlfriends or whatsoever. And if time comes that you fell out of love, you can just go on with your life without changing your status on your Facebook account.

And so when my professor discussed about Emma Goldman in Women's Issues class, my heart was agitated with the new infos. I so agree with the above mentioned statement. That's exactly what I'm trying to blurb about Jb. Being free without hearing skeptical public opinions.

One of Goldman's goal was to free the women from the fear of public opinions, because obviously even before women were boxed to avoid skeptical feedbacks from other people. And I so like it! However, I was totally disturbed by her opinion about marriage. She defined marriage as a legalized form of prostitution which women traded sex for economic and social standing.

I reacted on this in the middle of the discussion because I disagree with her opinion. It is not because I dream of being a bride in an elegant beach wedding someday. I'm disagreeing with her marriage's opinion because I hate her coined term "legalized form of prostitution". Why on earth will you say those things? So are you telling us that you foresee all married women in your time as "legalized prostitutes"? Thus, I don't believe that all women (even at her time) wants instant economic and social standing in exchange of their bodies. Don't you think that viewing things in that manner can be so antagonistic?

Well to clear things out, here's my stand about marriage. Yea I don't really like 'commitment' and 'marriage', well actually I don't find those logical, BUT I AM SUCH A HYPOCRITE IF I SAY I DON'T WANT TO BE LOVE, OF COURSE I DO! I love loving someone and I love being loved by someone as always! It's just that I really don't believe that those married couples for like 25 years or more than that still love each other the same way they had before. For me they're just still bound together because of the marriage contract and spouse. So by any chance, maybe BY NOW I don't want to get married BUT I'M NOT PUTTING PERIOD ON MY WORDS because who knows someday you could see me wearing white gown in one of my photo albums in FB which is not impossible to happen, but at least in the VERY RIGHT AGE I think. I reacted on Goldman's belief because for me by her own definition of marriage she disparaged her co-women by coining the term "legalized prostitutes". Well do you think that's right?

However, we, women should thank her for fighting the women's rights in her time in using birth controls and encouraging women to be free and independent. So thank you very much Red Emma! :)

S.S.S.S.S.S.

When I first saw this image on tumblr, my mind was yelling "Oh yea! Exactly! Whoever made this is truly a genius!". That exactly my reason why I stay single. However, upon reading those number of reasons all over again, I paused for like a couple of minutes. YEA! These are true, so is that mean I'm gonna be alone forever? Well to make it clear, I'm not rushing, just a thought that popped into my head when I found this photo. Hell yea I'm not though sometimes I have to admit that I feel lonely but I always convince myself that I always have the time in the world when it comes to this matter so I don't have to rush things. Well actually maybe I'm prettying things up just to feel okay.

Some friends said that the reason why I always stay alone is simply because of the high standards that I imposed to myself, and yea of course I kept on disagreeing to that every time they bitch me about that.

Ten months to go I'm gonna be two decades living in this planet. But just recently, I've realized that maybe my friends are right. I'm not that really beautiful but there are some guys I know who likes me, the thing is I don't give myself a chance to know them because of these reasons: Some are not that really intelligent and creative, some are not really stable with their lives, I'm afraid that they have intimate obligations already and they just want to use me to fulfill their sexual desires, I'm afraid that I can't get over for a long time and blah blah.

And the ugly truth, those men who I like so much just want to fuck me and those sincere men are those people I find lesser. Whoa. I hate my standards. And I know this warped perspective was perpetuated by the media. Yea, hell yea. If I can just lower my standards and give chance to those people who are begging me to know them, maybe I'm happy right now.

I don't know but I'm having a hard time understanding myself.

I always impose to myself that I am an independent thinker when in fact I am not, really not because what people say have a really huge factor to me. If I am an independent thinker maybe I could just lower my standards and enjoy my freedom of choosing someone I really like.

I wanna get over with this and change but I'm really having a hard time. This is fucking difficult.

The Problem

You can write.

You know to yourself that you have to write.

You and your soul are bugging you all the time to write.

Now things are getting blur.

Wondering what to see and what to believe.

Sometimes you can just cover your ears to avoid a strong feeling in the head.

But if covering it would be fine, things will be vast.

Now you ask yourself again.

What to choose?

The freedom or the ignorance.

Embracing the fresh or sticking to the dust.

But still no response.

Now ask yourself again.

What is happening in the world?

In the world where ignorance is free and intellectual power is limited,

all you need is black.