When you feel like giving up...

I started my day with extreme heaviness in my chest. I felt really tired on the weekend..

And TODAY was actually one of the difficult days in my entire life.

HAVE YOU EVER FELT LIKE GIVING UP ON YOURSELF?

God has never created a perfect human being. All of us have flaws and weaknesses, we can't be perfect like we're trying to be. I KNOW, YOU KNOW, WE KNOW! But don't you think it's just too tiring having same mistakes over and over? Reminding yourself everyday and even praying about it but still can't just do things right. :(

I've been feeling that way this passed few days. I know my weaknesses and I own them up and lay it down to God. I know what to do with it but for some reason, I still respond in anger and frustration. I just can't help but to feel really really down. It doesn't affect my relationship with God, though! I'm actually more close to Him whenever I feel this. It's just that it's really hard to convince yourself that you maybe can't do it perfectly but God can able and that all you need to do is to trust Him. And I do trust Him, I guess I'm just fed up that makes me feel afraid and feel like I can't go on.

So, while I was working this morning, I was praying really hard, telling Him how I feel (which He knows even if I don't tell Him) and asking Him questions at the same time.

I said,

"Lord, I'm tired, really! As in, super tired! I'm tired of saying sorry over and over to my boss. Little, big and stupid errors, whatever it is, I'm tired of it. I tired of telling her I missed this one because I forgot or I didn't check or pay attention but I keep telling her anyway, instead of lying and make excuses! God, you know I never lied to her and never made excuses just to escape from the mess. I never mind looking stupid in the eyes of people, I always tell the truth. I'm just tired facing up my weaknesses and realizing that I'm always good at messing things up. I'm tired, Lord.. I'm tired.. And if I'm tired saying sorry what more is her? I'm pretty sure she's tired hearing the same explanation over and over. Lord, please, I'm tired!" :(

And You know what He said?

I heard His voice saying,

"Why are you tired saying sorry to her? Do you also feel that way whenever you ask for my forgiveness? Do you think I get tired as well?"

The moment I heard that, I couldn't help but smile. Sure, I need to do my work properly because God is using my job or my boss as the channel of His blessings to me. However, I need to always remind myself that at the end of the day, it is God who I need to pursue not my boss, my family, friends or mentors. It is always Him. I should never give up on myself or feel tired coz God never felt that way and will never give up and get tired of me. It is proven! People may get tired of me but not Him. 

I remember last Sunday when one of the pastors at my church said that whatever occupies us, it is the thing that we are pursuing. It may be our career, business, money, love life but he hopes it is God that we pursue coz it's really all about Him.

As I ended my day, I couldn't help but to thank and praise God for all He has done. He is truly my strength. I can't imagine my day without Him. I wonder how I would respond to this kind of situation without His presence. 

This is an encouragement to all of us..

There are really days in our lives where we feel this way, where our spirits get really really low while facing up our weaknesses and unexpected circumstances BUT fear not because there is God that can give us strength and His grace is sufficient for you and me. All we need it to do it to trust and stand in His presence.

JESUS IS OUR STRENGTH, just Him. :)

<3

I love you, O Lord, my strength.

Psalm 18:1

I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13

For the Lord God is a sun and shield;

the Lord bestows favor and honor;

no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

Psalm 84:11

"My presence will go with you and I will give you rest."

Exodus 33:14

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

2 Corinthians 12:9

Give all your worries and cares to God for He cares about you.

1 Peter 5:7

**Above are the verses I love to meditate whenever I feel down or whenever I face circumstances. You may be feeling perfectly fine at the moment but you might need those verses in the future to meditate as well :)**

Passion Forever

After graduating college, I knew in my mind that there's a desire in my heart to go back to school and learn more. Of course, I knew long before I thought of it that true learning cannot be just found inside the institution. But as an avid learner, there's this amazing joy in my heart every time I study or learn something. So, when I started working, I was praying really hard that God would make a way for me to get back to school. I said, I was praying really hard because it is impossible in my situation to send myself back to school because I'm a bread winner in my family. That time I was thinking of getting a masters degree because I think studying a film course is not a practical idea, I would surely go back from the scratch. Unlike if it's a communication course there's a chance that I could teach in the future and make it as a profession. 

So, the desire of learning and getting back to school stays in my heart and still keeping that in my prayers SOMETIMES. Sometimes because in this season of my life where I've been enjoying the relationship I have with God, I usually forget the stuff that I've been praying. It is because my prayers are unlimited (YES, because I serve a big and great GOD, remember?) and there are some people asking me to pray for them (which is way way more important) OR maybe it's just I really have a weak memory that's why I forget my own prayers, Well, anyway, despite of being forgetful, God has been making ways for me to remember those by answering them one by one! :)

In our church, there's this thing called Training for Victory. It's a ten-week discipleship course for believers who wish to grow their walk with God. After finishing Victory Weekend last August, I know that there is a desire in my heart to get into that course but for some reason, I wasn't able to tell it to my lifegroup leader. Though she didn't know that I love to deepen my faith more, she asked me to attend the Making Disciples training the next month and so, I did! After that training, I know that time that I already have the extreme desire to join the Training for Victory class. 

Praise GOD there's one this January, so, I enrolled! I actually had my first class last Wednesday night. And it was really awesome meeting new classmates and new Christian friends. I just really love my new school and new course that I'm learning that gives my course of life a brand new meaning.

While I was listening to my class, I realized that it's another answered prayer, to get back to school! It may not be exactly the thing that I had in mind or I prayed for because it is actually much greater! Yes, I have a great passion for art and film BUT after the day I received Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, I know deep down that I have more passion for Him than anything else. And right now, I just can't help but to be grateful that God has been answering my prayers one by one according to His will. 

JESUS CHRIST IS MY PASSION.. forever! 

He could financially bless me for me to get myself back to school studying masters degree or film making because He is able BUT studying those would not complete me or satisfy me. In fact, those passions could lead me to frustration or confusion. Unlike being Him as my passion, I know I'm secured because I know that He would never frustrate me. :)

FYI I'm not saying that I don't have passion for art and film anymore or I'm abandoning them. I still have them here <3!  :) It's more like I'm WAITING for God's perfect time and action. I know He's been preparing me for that time.. The time that I would not just do the things that I care about but to glorify Him at the same time. And so, I trust His plans.. cos His plans are PERFECT! :)

Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act.

Psalm 37:7

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

Prayer & Fasting 2012

"Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you."

Joshua 3:5

AND I am proud to say that I STARTED MY 2012 JUST RIGHT! :)

Every year my church is doing Prayer & Fasting for 7 days in the first month of the year. I participated for the first time! I chose one meal a day since I can't be really really hungry at work but next year I will surely be choosing the liquid fast. :)

So there, that seven days were pretty amazing (though others think it's rough and ridiculous)! In the end, God has revealed one of the greatest revelations I need to know in life and that is, ONLY HIM CAN STRENGTHEN ALL OF US! It is not the food that we store up in our bodies BUT Him. Also, I've gone to my church for 7 days to attend prayer meetings. Attending those prayer meetings was not mandatory but helpful. We prayed for the youth, Filipino family, all nations, Philippines, Church, leaders and our breakthrough. Honestly, it was actually the first time I had a heartfelt prayer to my own nation. Prayer & Fasting was really life changing!

BUT fasting was not easy for me (esp it was my first time) even if my body was prepared to do it. The first two days of the fast made my stomach shout out for food. I woke up for two days shaking while reading the Bible. I felt like my body was drained that made me seek God more to fill me in. It made me go hungry not just for food but for HIM. And on the fourth day, I started getting used of eating just one meal and not feeling really really hungry (just hungry now :D) at all but on that day, my faith was also tested. While I was waiting for the prayer meeting to start, I started to feel cold. My energy got really really low to the point that I was aware that I did a shallow and unauthentic worship. Yes, I lifted my hands while singing but I knew deep down that there was something distracting me from worshiping Him with all my heart. My insecurities  and the worries were eating me up while I was inside the church praising and worshiping GOD! Good job, enemy! And then, the pastor who preached that night pierced my heart and soul with his message. I thank God for reviving my spirit in a very lightning speed that night. Sorry enemy! :P 

Then, the next day, I thought the enemy was finished from distracting me but I was totally wrong! This time, he used a person to tick me off. My co-worker made fun of my conviction. I didn't lose my temper, of course, but I knew that I was pissed. I hate when someone is making fun of Jesus and saying that they're lucky because they're not believers. So, I asked two people to pray for me and that God would increase my patience and faith. I know God doesn't like me respond to the enemy's trap that way. Obviously, the enemy was tempting me to verbally punch between the eyes my co-worker. And you know how awesome God is? He used my friend (the one I asked to pray for me) to remind me when Jesus fasted and tempted by the devil. (Matthew 4:1-11)

You see, when we fast and consecrate ourselves to the world it does not mean that the enemy could not touch us anymore. In fact, it makes us prone to that enemy! He doesn't like the idea that you're fasting for God. That you are living by the Spirit, for you know that in the end God will do amazing things for you. He doesn't like when you seek God and when your faith is increasing. He hates it! That's why he's doing and using people to distract you. That's he's job, so be on guard! 

Satan's move is very recognizable cos he's been using it from the beginning.. TEMPTATION. Well, of course, while fasting, I was also tempted to eat a lot of food and made me really crave for my favorite ones! @___@ BUT I am proud to say that I won over the enemy and it's all because of God's amazing Spirit! :)

Seven days is just one week but it made me love Jesus more! 

It made me depend on Him more and continuously seek His presence.

I would never regret that I gave up what my flesh was craving in exchange of something greater, which is JESUS! And right now, I just can't help but smile, grateful and praise Jesus more and more because of the fulfillment of His promises. I've been praying for a lot of things to the point that I even forget most of those. But you know what's cool? Because God is making ways for me to remember those forgotten prayers by answering them one by one! Don't you just love God? He's so sweet and I love HIM forever and ever! <3

Power of the Spirit + IGNORANCE

"We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us." 

1 Corinthians 12

When I was a little, I was aware of the existence of God and what Jesus has done on the cross thousand of years ago. I even asked forgiveness every time I sin. It was really like every night I asked forgiveness to God because I used to sin a lot. 

Now, you maybe asking, what's the difference from then and now? You also might say, "Hey! You've been believing from the fact that God truly exists ever since. You've sinned before and until now (I'm sure you still do) and you still ask for forgiveness. SO, what really is the difference, right?"

The difference is that before, I really didn't mind sinning because I knew that God always forgives but not because of the grace, mercy or what Jesus has done on the cross. FYI, I didnt even understand those terms before. I just knew that God forgives whenever I confess (I don't mind the reason) and that's it!! That's why I didn't see anything wrong with sinning because there is God that forgives no matter what.

IGNORANCE it is! And I'm pretty sure that most unbelievers are not really unbelievers, I really believe that they believe in the existence of God. I've never believed when someone tells me that he/she doesn't pray or believe in God. THEY DO! They are just like me before, IGNORANT and PRIDEFUL.

That was exactly me before! Believing God ON THE SIDE (just there) BUT NOT PUTTING HIM AT THE CENTER. It was so ignorant of me not to know the true value and cost of the cross. I didn't even understand what GRACE is and the true love and goodness of God! And besides, before I used to think that I am just too cool to follow Christ. Like I thought, it's okay to do worldly things and sin AS LONG that you believe in Him and pray every night. 

The spirit I received before was obviously not the one from God but from the world. Even the way I used to know Jesus, I got it from the world that's why He seemed so familiar before and i didn't mind sinning or getting to know Him. Well, I didn't even know that I have to get to know Him, in the first place and that I am here on earth to have relationship with Him. That's how ignorant I was! 

Then, one day, I've decided to live for Him and everything has changed. I am no longer receiving the spirit from the world cos I have the better one that comes from the Heavenly Father. That is why I now fully understand what He has all given for FREE, though I really dont deserve it. It's GRACE! I am know proud to say that I know now what that truly means. In fact, I just couldn't help but to acknowledge and be thankful with His grace. I know now the value of the cross and it is not just based on what the world tells me BUT it is through God's Spirit which enables me to understand the cost of it. Also, I now dont have appetite for sin and I have extreme desire to live a Godly life that honors Him and just to respond in all the things He has done for me. I don't even want to do things that would offend Him because I love Him and I'm really just so in a relationship with Him. Without the Spirit, I would never understand these things nor even know at all! It is by His Spirit and nothing else!

Like what I've said, a lot of people especially around me believes in God (no matter how hard they argue about it and give me philosophical reasons or studies -- which for sure they googled) and knows how to pray or even believes in prayers. The thing is, they just like me before, they're ignorant and most of them, their pride are eating them up whole and alive. Obviously, they're receiving the spirit from this world and don't want to let go all the things of this world.

Just like what pastors in our church always say, 

"You'll never know how good the good news if you dont even know how really bad our situation before Jesus."

So, my prayer goes to all people who doesn't know Jesus. I pray that they would encounter Jesus the way I've encountered Him. I pray that they would open their eyes in the truth where God will lead them by the help of the Holy Spirit. I pray that they will seek God and that they would understand what God has given them and done in their lives. Thank you God for your overflowing grace that we never deserve and for sending Your sinless and perfect son to die for sinners, like me, on the cross. Thank you God for the Spirit that comes from you that enables us to understand the things You've given out of Your love for us! Thank YOU Jesus for being our teacher, friend and more importantly, our Savior! 

In Jesus name I pray, 

AMEN