ANOREXIA NERVOSA

The excessive attention to body conformation, reinforced by our traditional greeting, can be disastrous as well for very young girls like me. A couple of months ago, people I often see noticed that I am gaining weight and it was a compliment on my part at first because old people foresee me as a thin and malnourished girl. I love eating so much even though when I was young and yet I don't know why I am not gaining the normal weight. I remember when I was in my 1st year in college we've checked each others Body Mass Index in our PE class and it resulted that I am underweight. Being underweight is so not healthy we all know that. So I continue eating heavy meals everyday and when 2008 entered I gained the normal weight that proportion in my height and age.

As time keep on coming, I've noticed that people always greeted me in a statement like this, "Uy, Cang, taba mo ngayon ah. Laki ng chan mo!". Sounds brutal, doesn't it? It has a great impact on me especially when a guy is the one who's telling me that. There will be times, too, when it is said in jest and with time, I did come to accept such statements. I always check my body flaws in the mirror, and yes, I gained so much weight and it is not so pretty.

I decided to eat light meals and sometimes, I don't eat at all though my stomach is growling from hunger. My parents noticed my dietary stuff and told me that it is not so good for me because I'm starving myself. They told me I'm not fat it's just my belly who's huge so I don't have to starve myself but instead I should do sit-ups and jogging at least twice a week. That is the healthy diet, they added. And yes, they are so right. It was just my belly who looks so bad.

Since that day I've exercised a lot and still, eating light meals. I don't eat rice at dinner or sometimes just eat one piece of banana. But still people greeted me in the you're-so-fat statement, and so I decided to drink slimming tea everynight. And it's effective, I think but it's really hard because I have to go to bathroom every 5 minutes and I'm experiencing too much pain on my stomach. So I stopped it and don't eat.

Until last night, I found the print facts left in the girl's restroom in our school last semester about Anorexia Nervosa. I read a lot about it.

Anorexia Nervosa or Self-starvation is a kind of reverse addiction: an addiction to not eating. And like many addicts, anorexics deny having a problem. They see themselves as healthy, but others see the terrible damage to body and mind that anorexia causes. Teenaged girls and young women are mostly the victims of Anorexia to maintain a good body figure and to escape from rude greetings like I am experinencing most of the time.

I've also read the signs and symptoms of anorexia and unfortunately, I am exhibiting 9 out of 15 symptoms.

I remember when I've watched a scene from One Tree Hill Season 5 in theCW website wherein Brooke Davis became successful on her fashion clothing calls "Clothes over Bros". She dropped out all the extremely thin models that her agency called. She says

"They are anorexics! Anorexia is an illness not a trend!"

And she is so right.
I don't want to be anorexic and I am not fat, I believe so.
People exagerates sometimes, we all know that.
Maybe I'll just continue exercise and eat light meals
AND i will never starve myself AGAIN! :)

Technological Determinism

Sleeping is the hardest thing I can't do every night. Maybe it's because I am enjoying too much sleep during day time. And due to that sleeping derptivation I am experiencing every night I've decided to read books instead of facing the computer and TV before I lay down to sleep. And so the other night I decided to read the other chapters that haven't been discuss to our class last semester of the book entitled Communication Theory by Em Griffin.

I've read the entire chapter 23 of Technological Determinism by Marshall McLuhan. That chapter caught my attention because it talks about the cause of the cultural change in the world according to his studies. Based on what I've read he's blaming the invention of the Phonetic Alphabets and the Guttenberg's printing press which made it widespread. According to him, there are four Historical Era in the balance points of Communication history ( Tribal Age, Literate Age, Print Age and Electronic Age ). We are born in the Electronic Age wherein nothing remains untouched by communication technologies.

I couldn't get over the facts he shared during the Tribal Age. During the Tribal Age, the ear was king and hearing was believing because obviously only primitive peoples were alive during that age. Until the Phonetic Alphabets invented and people who could read exchanged an ear for an eye. When oppressed people learned to read, they become independent thinkers.

Look, I know this is just a one man's theory. All that he claimed in that chapter was his opinion but on the other hand he couldn't make it without studies. And in my opinion, he is right. If no one invented the alphabets every one is equal into our society. There will be no rich, no poor. There will be no discrimination because all of us are lie on the same level.
Plus, there will be no arrogant that will feel great because they're rich in knowledge in a certain issue.

And about the system during the Tribal Age which talks about the superiority of the ear truly amaze me.
The word JUDGEMENTAL is popular at present because of the fact that people can easily throw judgement to others by just looking without really knowing them.

What you see is what you get.

I don't patronize that because not all you see is true. Explanation matters the most and you'll be using the ear to hear it.
Maybe that is the reason why many people seperated to each other and find their own ways because they based everything on their eyes.

Judgemental people or what we call sensemakers are everywhere.
We cannot rid of them.
I maybe like that sometimes but I am telling myself not to be because I never know that person,
so why judge him/her? :)

Gossip Girl

Oh forget about the last post I made before I slept last night. I was really drunk that moment that I didn't even notice that I used a large font. LOL :)) Oh well I won't delete that post :) Let's just say that it's a product of my bitterness and it should be kept.

Okay.
So this passed few days I spent most of my time here at home. I don't usually open my PC unless I'll check my online accounts and update this blog. I am spending most of my time watching DVD series. I am done with 4 seasons of One Tree Hill last month. And hell yea, I am so addicted to it that I almost watched 3-4 episodes in just one night. I like Brooke Davis so much cos she reminds me of my party years and in the other hand, i like Peyton Sawyer's no-one-understands-me character and even her artworks, so cool. And of course, Nathan Scott's yummy personality is the shit! LOL :)) Since I've already done with those 4 seasons, I can't wait for the next season that I keep on watching those short tweezers on You Tube. New series has caught my eyes for a couple of weeks every time I switched the channel to ETC and that is the Gossip Girl. So I bought the season 1 of that last week since it has only one season at present.

I find Gossip Girl so amazing and I am very curious about the identity of that Gossip Girl. Uhumm. I like Serena van der Woodsen a lot because of her style and not to mention her height. Gaah. How I wish I am as tall as her at the moment. Blair Wardolf is gorgeous and mean, that makes me like her too. And Nathaniel or Nate ( Blair's boyfriend that secretly in-love with Serena ) is just fine, I don't find him that hot, in short he's not my type. LOL :))

One of the episode of Gossip Girl truly caught my attention. It is when a girl naming Vanessa ( Dan's ex-girlfriend ) caught Dan Humprey ( Serena's current boyfriend ) watching porn due to too much ignorance about SEX since Dan hasn't loosen his virginity yet. He was thinking that Serena is the right girl to lose it and since he is committed to an elite and hot girl he believes that he have to work hard to make Serena feel good. Vanessa knew what was Dan's head at that moment so she talk to him about it.
According to Vanessa,

"Sex is meaningful.. just like art. And you cannot rush art, you know.."

And I agree with her. It makes sense, isn't it?
Oh well. This passed few days I really have to admit that I think I am ready for stuffs like that but then maybe God is so good that even if too much chances were there to make it happen He didn't allow it. You maybe wondering what I am talking about here because as you can see I am implying but I believe if you are a keen observer you will understand what I am talking about here.

Men liked to make love; women liked to cuddle.
I'd always believed that was how it really was.

I may look like a sex kitten in the eyes of many people because of the way I dress up sometimes but honestly, I am not capable of doing that at present. And thank God you're not letting me to venture into it yet though sometimes I am being too aggressive when hotness gets in the way.

It was just funny sometimes that I can't even apply what I've learned from Communication Theory last semester. I remember what I've read on the Genderlect Styles by Deborah Tannen that I've shared with my fortunate girlfriends who hasn't loosen their virginities yet.

The act of sex marked the end of the intimacy rather it's beginning.

Well, I will not say that it's 100% true because you know that there are still lovers who's capable of doing that and still they're relationship is going strong but on the other hand, it is partly true I think.
Think about this girl, how many stories you've already heard that the guy left her after they had sex?
Now ask yourself :)

Party boys VS Rock Stars

did u ever feel like you're the stupidest girl in the world?
just like you're patiently waiting for someone who's nothing :))

Well.
Me?
I am :)


Oh yesss.
I am waiting for nothing.
Is this what you call LOVE?
whoahaha:PP

Oh gaaad.
I'm drunk.
and i don't wanna talk about it.
All I know is that I am stupid for the very first time in my whole life and it isn't sound so good.
Screw all those men who never see how good you are :)

Party boys are so much better than those rock stars.
At least party boys never said i love you when they get drunk, they just love your body :>


reality is bitter and BITTER is reality :)

He's NOTHING :)

I really don't know how to start this one. There is no single creativity entering my mind at this very moment (Anyway, Am I creative when it comes to this? Uhumm. Well, you'll be the judge :O). Aha. All I know is that I had a very terrible weekend and I never expect this. Tss.

Last Friday, May 2 was scheduled to be a booze night with drinking friends to celebrate Russel's 18th. Of course, intoxication was highly expected since it was a birthday. At around 8 PM, my head was already spinning and my mouth didn't stop from talking a lot coz that's what I am when beer gets in my body but that didn't discourage me from the remaining shots left. And so I heard he came so I looked for him cos I badly miss him and at that moment I knew it's going to be a blast. And it was. We maybe dead drunk but not dead so we still know what we're doing and talking about. He told me a very good news about himself and that made us OFFICIAL boyfriend-girlfriend. We cuddled a lot there and my teeth cos a lot of mark on his neck, chest and even at his back but that wasn't a kiss mark, a "kagat mark" maybe, LOL :)) Hell yea, I'd been too animalistic that night and it was pretty fun.

Now, that's already one of the remarkable event in my life. How could not be? One of the valueable thing in my life for one year just left me.
My cellphone :(
I was so happy cuddling and making love with him until the disaster came.
My father gave that to me and it's not just a cheap phone so it's really valuable.

The part that really made me sobber is that we both didn't know how it was lost.
It was him who's handling it since that birthday night and the next morning it was lost.
He maybe dropped it when we were in the cab while we're on our way home at Aries' spot.

I was severely depressed that morning that I couldn't think straight and what's worst was that the whole house was looking for it and he was just plopped down and continue his sleep. I am blaming him too much for that until I realized that maybe it was me who's a flat-out crazy for letting him keep it despite of the fact that I know how careless he really is.

After an hour I decided to call my dad and told him I was "holdap" and it gives relief. Lying was getting to be easy for me especially when he is involve. I don't want him to look bad in my parent's eyes.
And while I was with him for 2 days I realized something, that is maybe it was a bad choice I made that night at Russel's, one of the worst choices in my life. But then something popped on my mind telling me that it was just a cellphone and he's now my boyfriend so I should let go of it.

We maybe not had a good beginning but it was just a tiny thing and there's a lot more in the future.
And besides, I am now excepting the fact that I fall for someone who is PATHETIC but Im still crossing my finger that he'll change someday.

God is our creator, we all know that.
He knows what we like so He will not give you those.
That is the reality and it is now happening to me.

MY BOYFRIEND.
The very opposite character of my Ideal Guy which I am looking for a long time.
A self-confessed pathetic loser.
A lazy bastard.
A lustful rockstar.
A trash.
A perv.
The guy that I am sharing my delicious moment so much for a couple of months and now I am the pain in his ass and the greatest burden in his rockstar life. LOL :))

Maybe this is the real love, and I am so much ready for the thousand pain that he'll gave me.
GOODLUCK to US :)

Almost :)

Ever experience being so obsess to someone or something but you can't have it for a numerous reason?

Patience is a virtue.

I believe in that.
In fact, whenever I feel tired waiting for something whether it is essential or not I keep on repeating it to myself and it gives relief, seriously.

Waiting is the most patient action I am doing at the moment.
Though some people keeps on telling that moving to the next level is the best thing to do because we are already fixated to each other for a very long time,
I certainly believe that we don't have to rush things.

It's funny how people could easily say something like that because they aren't in the situation.
It is not always the FEELING that matters the most.
I always believe in that.

FUTURE matters to me a lot.
I am not being self-righteous or materialistic but at least I have to assure myself that the next guy is presentable enough to introduce to my parents.

I am SEVENTEEN.
On the 2nd to the last month of the year I'll turn 18.
I am still young, YES.
But that doesn't mean that I still have so much time for fun. Ohh no no.
Having so many guys in one night is so 16 years old.
And it's damn funny remembering my party days.

I want someone who can be my motivation to my studies,
someone who can show me the real him,
someone who respect me and someone who can foresee me in his future as his wife.

Aha.
And I already found him.
We are not officially together for 4 months I think because of personal reasons and I believe I don't have to list it down here.
And who the hell cares about dates anyway?
Yes, we maybe not committed at this very moment because I seriously believe that we know the true meaning of commitment.
And BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND is just words.
I have a very different points of view when it comes to that.
As long as you too feel the affection of each other when you're together.
You're feeling the best thing in the world :)


So we'll still be waiting for the right time for us to be officially together
cos PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE.