MEAN!

I don't really know how to start this one but I'm just curious, have you ever experienced being cursed by a sensitive creature just because of a simple crack?

We are all different so I know if I continue writing this one I might end up being self-centered. But trust me, I'm not going to point my finger on those people who have sensitive souls here. Let's just say I'm just opening up the world for them.

We are all different. I understand that too well to the point that I'm thanking God for molding us in this way. Where's the fun in this world if all of us are exactly the same, right?

Let me share to you some interesting scene happened to me last week. Someone just got pissed simply because I delivered a crack or more likely a verbal punch between the eyes for her. Of course, I didn't mean it. I just love horsing around because that's me. It's not that I'm childish or I act like a "tambay sa kanto", but I'm just being me. I'm not "pa-sweet" type of girl who acts demure at all times. And so there, you know what happened? That person got mad at me and now she's acting as if I'm not existing in her goddam world.

I know a lot of people lately who likes to be around with nice people, well not just nice but very very nice people. People who will always flatter them and give them compliments. People who would never mess around with them and would never ever give them bad criticism even if it's true. And I am blaming the so-called price of living in this modern world, conformity. Where people tend to live with other people by following the rules and values, which seem to be more about what you cannot do than what you can do. Conformity also taught as to be polite and nice to people at all times, including not scaring us by the our thoughts and put ons.

Jeez you don't need to be very nice and polite just to impress someone. People loves to impress other people by pretending they're nice when in fact they're not. On the other hand, verbally punching someone doesn't mean you're mean. Sometimes people tend to do that because they're just comfortable doing those things or they just like horsing around because they have this jovial personality. So why take it seriously? Life is very short to get pissed with superficial things!

People are depthless. All they want is to feel great and live by the standards of those people around them without realizing that somehow they could see the world in a different way. People are afraid to get wounded all the time without realizing that with those bleeding wounds, they would discover a brand new them.

Why can't we just take all things easy and accept the fact that we are not the only creature created by God?

Or maybe I should tell this to myself, so I could stand dealing with those sensitive souls. I think I need to be EXTRA careful in every words that comes into my mouth. I don't easily get upset and I love myself for that. That's why I have this jovial personality who loves horsing around with different people. And I tend to treat them as if they're just like me without realizing that they're different. Some could just laugh at me when I'm throwing something or some could just punch me because I might hurt them without knowing it. But seriously, if I'm being mean to someone that means I like him/her. Yes, I'm torturing the people I like because I'm like this. And I can't explain myself because.. I have to end this now. HAHAHHAHA! :)

Share :)

It was a typical Sunday afternoon when I decided to pamper myself by having a facial treatment. I left the house without putting anything on my face cos I know for a fact that someone will just torture it. It's kinda flaky because I always put something on my face when I go out to mask the gazillion dark spots fleeting on it. I didn't fix my hair though. And so I've realized it was the real me who went there.

When I got there, I walked as fast as I could to reach the loading station because I badly need to text my brother. But surprisingly, when I checked out my bag, my phone wasn't there. Don't worry it wasn't stolen I just forgot to put it in my bag. So I went to the rest room to look for a phone booth and call my dad to text my brother to tell him that I've been there already just waiting for him, but the funny thing was I don't memorize our land-line number because it's new. Still I tried to guess numbers which I believed was close to ours, but it didn't work. Now, you've probably wondering why it was so important for me to see my brother, right? Well, let's just say I needed to get some cash he owed me.

So I went to his church at New Life. At first, I was hesitating to come there for uncertain reason. Well, I'm actually a Christian but it's not my church, I used to attend in Greenbelt 1 but it's been a while since the last time I served for God. And so, I went inside looking forward to see my brother.

People were standing at the back so I did the same thing, and someone gave me a cracker followed by a vial with grape juice in it. And yes, I came in the right time, I called that communion since I don't know what term to use. It wasn't the first time, it was actually the second time I had it. Someone gave me a seat, at first I was thinking of declining his invitation because I was just looking for my brother. But then, I followed him and I sat in the middle of a group of women. I worshiped but the fact that my eyes kept rolling in every corners of the cinema to spot my brother's reflection didn't skip out. Seriously, I had a hard time doing it because I didn't wear my lenses.

My eyes got fed up and I even lost my hope of seeing my brother and get the cash he owed me, so all I did was to pay attention to what the pastor was preaching. For about 15 minutes of listening, guilt drastically squeezed in. My eyes were drippy, but the fact that I was sitting their drew a smile on my face. And then, I realized how blessed I was for being there because the words of encouragement were very powerful. It's undeniably helpful considering the fact that I was so depressed lately. And then after standing up to sing with the awesome Christian band played, I saw my brother at the left side of the place I was standing in.

Just imagine if my cellphone was in my bag, do you think I was able to listen and be encouraged with the word of God?

See?
God is great!
It's a calling to look back and serve for him again.
Thank you Lord. :)

I am very sorry my friend,

but I really really hate you because I see myself in you.

TGiF! :)

Let's get started.

Today is a splitting image of yesterday, well except for the pretty intense commotion I witnessed in the afternoon. Well, I guess I don't have to write about it because I'm telling you it's gonna be a waste of time. loool

Anyway, I forgot to write my thoughts yesterday because my computer was fucked up and I had to use my brother's laptop just to go online. And I was having a hard time using his laptop, so I decided just to sleep early. But what I thought yesterday was something really important that I know it should be posted.

I heard some Americans working in our company said things about Filipinos that made my heart raced. It was really funny, though cos I can't blame them if they look at us in a lower scale. But you know what's irritating? It' s when you're being discriminated in your own country. Well I heard a lot of stories wherein Filipinos overseas were being degraded and worst, abused by different races. But don't you think it's too crooked that their beating you up in your own country.

Sometimes I wished I wasn't born in a third world country cos it's really hard. It's really hard being seen in a lower scale, though you know that it's not your fault that you were born here. It's really hard to deal with different races and trying to understand them all the time because our capability of understanding them is above average. I hate that we Filipinos need to get a degree in order to teach Asian's the International Language, unlike them, no matter who or what they used to be in their past lives as long as they have white skins, blue/green eyes and that accent, they're qualified!

Okay, I think I better sleep now. Good night! ;)

Okay. So I made up my mind, starting today I'll post every thing I want to post here cos I can't post everything now on Facebook cos I have so many friends there and I don't want them to mess up with my poisonous daily thoughts.

Honestly, I feel so bored and weird today. You know the feeling when you're wearing high heels all day and you want to do is to take it off. I'm so tired doing same stuffs over and over. Alright, I teach different students everyday, but then I know to myself that I can do more than sitting in front of the computer and teaching English.

I'm bored, stuck and trapped!

I can't stop working.

And I can't think of anything creative this passed few months.

And I hate myself for that.

I deal with different people everyday, look very cheerful and strong in front of them but inside? I feel exactly the opposite.

And now I'm taking a deep breath, wanting to feel better and convincing myself that I would feel better soon, that God is just testing me.

It sucks that I'm achieving happiness with the help of beer and alcohol.

I repeat, just beer and alcohol!

Yes, it's shallow, well for other people it's not.

I miss being happy by doing things I care about.

YES.

I'm jealous.

And I hate myself for that!

I’m not happy.
It’s been so long that I don’t know how to feel happy and
I wonder if I’ll ever feel truly happy again.

I've known for a while that I like someone.
My heart tells me to give it a try but my mind tells exactly the opposite.

I want to be happy.
Please help me. :(
My life is a mess right now.