Wilderness?

For the passed five months, there were times when I feel like walking in the desert alone without water or anything. The hotness makes me just want to lie down in the middle of the dessert waiting to be burned up. Walking feeling alone makes me ask a lot of questions.. Questions that are answerable! And yet, I ask and ask over.

This could be one of the seasons in my life that I feel like I'm prepared for this long ago but unfortunately not. I've seen a lot of people went through this season and even encouraged them at times but I've never thought I would be reacting as if this is something new to me. 

At times, I find myself questioning and begging Him to take me out of the desert because He is the only one who has the power to do so. What makes it more frustrating is not the place where I'm in but the response that I say. It reveals the weakness of my foundation.

However, above all the frustrations and self-disappointments while walking under the heat of the sun in the desert, He never fails to remind me something. THAT HE LOVES ME and THAT IT IS NOT TRUE THAT I AM ALONE WALKING IN THERE. These reminders, realizations or revelations each day of my life are the proofs that He holds me so tight that He wont let me go back from slavery.

Maybe I feel like I'm in the wilderness in a long time and I just can't wait to get into the Promised Land. But hey, is it really about the Promised Land? Don't you think it's about the One who promised it, the BUILDER and the GIVER? 

It is a shame to realize that I am more after the blessings more than the Blesser. But He loves me, He knew I am going to fail Him from the beginning but He chose to die for me, anyway. What a lover! How can He love like that? Really, how can He? I am amazed.. 

Happy 2013

Praying is probably the most used 'word' or action for Christians, sometimes it's common! :D Christians love it especially if they do it together or as a group.

I am a part of a Christian family. Well, not all of us have publicly declared our faith in Jesus yet but I am sure that we all love Jesus by heart. In fact, I am actually amazed of the faith my family have for Jesus. However, we were not vocal about our faith until we started attending the service together.

God has been calling me to lead prayers with my family for years. The Holy Spirit has been bugging me to lead the prayer during meals, birthdays and in hard situations but since I was over protecting myself, I kept declining and doing silent prayers instead.

Since 2012 was about to end, I knew it was a perfect time to pray together. There was a lot of breakthroughs, answered prayers and blessings in that year, so God undeniably deserves it. And of course, I wanted too but too afraid at the same time! Funny how hard it was for me to do when in fact I am a spiritual leader. I pray in big groups but I can't even do it in my own family. Probably because I know to myself that my character at home is not really Christlike, so I feel like I don't deserve to do it. But when will I get perfect, right?

So, I asked God for a big chunk of courage to fall on me during the New Year's eve! And He gave it on the first few hours of the first day of 2013.

I asked my father first if he wanted to take the lead but he said I should do the honor. And so, I did! We thanked Him for all the blessings, provisions, renewal of faith and for granting the breakthroughs we were believing for. We also lift up the prayers we have as a family for this new year.

I had no idea, how it happened! But one thing's for sure, IT WASN'T ME! I cannot do that on my own, it was really Him! God gives wisdom and courage, we just need to ask sometimes! Now, right after we ask, let's make sure to do our part as well! :)

Jesus, You are the center of 2013, in all areas of my life. :)