Chapter 12: Developing Your Friendship with God

"He offers his friendship to me godly."

Proverbs 3:32 (NLT)

"Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you."

James 4:8 (NLT)

You are as close to God as you choose to be.

To deepen our friendship with God, we need to be completely honest to him. God knows we are not perfect and he understands every circumstances that we humans are going through in our daily lives. We know our faults, weaknesses and feelings. Now what he wants to hear is your honest expressions of how your feelings and faults towards him. Hearing it from us, makes him smile because it symbolizes how much we trust him. We must obey him, too. Listen on he's telling us. He wants us to do the right thing despite of all the circumstances, pain and distractions. And lastly, we should desire to deepen his friendship with him more than anything else! Intimate friendship with him is a choice. We can be close to him as we choose to be. He will never reject us, unlike other people. He's always there to accept us. And that makes him the most amazing best friend you've ever have! :)

Note to God:

Being your best friend is awesome! You are attentively listening to me even if it's sometimes my stories doesn't make sense at all. But I love sharing it to you because I know, no matter what I say you always listen. When I'm in pain, you're always there to listen and make me feel okay. Your pain makes me keep closer to you. I can't imagine life without you. I love you. :)

Chapter 11: Becoming Best Friends with God

"Since we were restored to friendship with God by the death of his son while we were still his enemies, we will certainly be delivered from eternal punishment by his life."

Romans 5:10 (NLT)

God wants to be your best friend!

I love this chapter because God is already my best friend ever since I started praying to him. Almighty God yearns to be your friend, too! Well, before I thought I was the only one considering him as my best friend but I was wrong. Now best friends know each other. So it's unfair that it is only God who knows everything about us. As God's best friend, we ought to know every thing about him, too! He deeply desires that we know him intimately and with all our hearts.

It is our privilege to be God's best friend. Now, how on earth can we do it? And it's through constant conversation with him. Say everything to him! Don't be shy! Even if it's a complain about your appearance or circumstances, you give it to him. Best friends are true to each other and ready to punch you verbally between the eyes when needed. God wants to be part in every activity we do. And another is through continual meditation. Meditation is thinking about God's word over and over in our minds. And of course, we should share it to other people. God doesn't like to keep your friendship with him secret. He wants the whole world to know! :)

Note to God:

Hi best friend! You know you're my best friend ever since! Thanks for keeping me accompany every seconds of my life. You're always there for me. And I feel ashame every time I forget you. But you know, I always talk to you. And you're the only one who knows the real me and you accept me and that's the precious things I've ever received in my life. Having you as my best friend is awesome! I love you best friend! :)

Chapter 10: The Heart of Worship

"Give yourselves to God . . . Surrender your whole being to him to be used for righteous purposes."

Romans 6:13 (TEV)

The heart of worship is surrender.

Nobody likes to surrender because the word is always used in a negative context. We are living in a competitive culture wherein we are taught not to give up or give in because it's a sign of weakness. Now, of course everyone wants to look and feel strong. So we hate it when we are giving up. But in a Christian context, surrendering to God is the highest form of worshiping him. Meaning when we surrender to him we are giving him full pleasure that not all people could able to give him. Surrendering is the heart of worship.

Now as discussed in this chapter, there are three barriers that block or total surrender to God and that is fear, pride and confusion. And I agree with that. It took me a long time to surrender myself to him and up until now I'm still uncertain if I'm fully surrendering myself to him because confusion and fear always gets in the way. But at least I'm in the process now regardless of the status of my spiritual growth. I do trust God but most of the time, I want to control my life. And I know I'm not the only people who feels this. But through this chapter, my eyes were opened that I don't have to always be "in charge" with my life. And trusting and loving God will bring me to an eternal realization that I am living for him and surrendering is not as bad as I imagined before.

Warning: When you decide to live a totally surrendered life, that decision will be tested. Sometimes it will mean doing inconvenient, unpopular, costly, or seemingly impossible tasks. It will often mean doing the opposite of what you feel like doing.

GOD, I AM PREPARED FOR THAT! :)

Note to God:

God, even if I'm not fully surrendered to you, I know you know that I'm giving my best shot to mature my spiritual growth. I love you and I trust you and I know most of time you are testing me. I love the way you test me because even if most of the time I fail, you always give another chance to prove that I'm really yours. I'm sorry for that but you are changing my character. And I love the way you're doing it. Please help me clear my minds from all the distractions and emotions. I love you so much!

Chapter 9: What Makes God Smile?

"May the Lord smile on you.."

Numbers 6:25 (NLI)

"Smile on me, your servant; teach me the right way to live."

Psalm 119:135 (MSG)

The smile of God is the goal of your life.

They say, goal gives direction to one's life. Now, if you're asking about your goal you may be answering in the most self-centered answer and that is to reach your dream, to have this or that and to become like this or that. But we don't understand or some might not know yet, that our ultimate goal in our lives is to make God smile. Just like Noah who gave pleasure to God and made God smile, we can actually do it today.

How to make God smile?

God smiles when . . .

we love him supremely,

we trust him completely,

we obey him whole heartedly,

we praise and thank him continually and

we use our abilities.

I love God so much! Though sometimes cultural distractions and emotions are dominating the entire me but I always consult him in everything. I know he knows how much I think of him and even the times I don't. Of course, he knows it! He likes watching my life 24/7 and not just my life but also your life and all of us human beings. And by talking to him, sharing how my day was, my feelings and emotions, my complains to the world, to myself and even to him, I know he's listening. And by that, I'm worshiping him. I'm being true to him and that's the important thing. We are giving him enjoyment by being us! So let us make God smile, make it our goal! :)

Note to God:

You know that's already my goal. And I'm glad to see you smiling in simple ways of showing how much I thank and praise you for creating me and continually blessing me. I love you so much God! And I hope you'll smile more when I put you tattooed in my left hand to always remind me of my goal and that is to make you smile. Keep smiling God cos from there I feel relieve and awesome for having you! I love you! :)

Chapter 8: Planned for God's Pleasure

"You created everything and it's for your pleasure that they exist and were created."

Revelation 4:11 (NLT)

"The Lord takes pleasure in his people."

Psalm 149:4a (TEV)

You were planned for God's pleasure.

We are all created by God. Surprisingly, he does not need to create us though before I used to think that we are created to take care and enjoy his amazing creations. Again, he doesn't need to create us but he chose to create us for his enjoyment. We exist for his purpose and glory. We are here just for him!

Our first purpose in our lives is to bring enjoyment to God. Of all the things he created, we are the most special and blessed because we all have power to praise him and could bring enjoyment to him. We are enjoying the beauty of our nature and thank God for it, but nature could not bring God enjoyment. It is US who can bring glory and pleasure to God.

The Bible says, "Because of his love God had already decided that through Jesus Christ he would make us his children -- this was his pleasure and purpose."

We are all made in God's image. God wants human to enjoy everything he created by giving us ability to enjoy pleasure. What are those? The five senses. It is not an accident that we all have those them, he wired us with those senses in order to appreciate his creations. We enjoy life because of the ability God has given to us! So like what I've said, we are all made in God's image so meaning if we have emotions, God has emotions, too. And humans often forget that or maybe some doesn't even know about it.

Now, how can we bring pleasure to God? It is through "WORSHIP". Everything we do to praise God is an act of worship. Again, everything! It's not just you're attending service every Saturday and Sunday. Everything we do for him even if we're just sharing thoughts about God or tweeting Bible verses, it's all an act of worship. Even if you're just telling him how your day was before your eyes officially shut at night, that is an act of worship.

So worship is a lifestyle! You cannot just say that in a certain service, you did the "Praise and Worship" part and from there you're worshiping God. That is wrong. Every part of a service is an act of worship. You cannot label that this part in only to worship God and other parts has its own labels.

Now, we people should understand that worship is not for our own benefit. We are not at the service to at least experience celestial feeling in an hour by singing Christian lyrics and listening to the Pastor's preaching. Well, I have to admit that I thought worship was all about ourselves. I thought worship was invented to let us feel fine and free from worries for a while. I thought it is for our own benefit, but I was totally wrong! It is for God! We are worshiping to give glory and pleasure to him and that is the primary motive of our existence!

God is worthy of our worship and praise! He deserves it more than anything else! Sure, we are not the only creation in this world. There's animal, nature, etc. But can animals go to church to worship him or read a word of God to other animals? See, we are the only creation that has ability to worship. He wired us the senses not just to enjoy his other creations but to give him pleasure.

Note to God:

Thank you so much for introducing me to my first purpose in life. You enlightened me to the true meaning of worship. I just went to the service earlier and was so excited to give pleasure to you. Unlike before, I used to go to the service to feel good. My mind has changed and that is because of you. Every time I do things, most of the time I always think of you. As much as possible I'm focusing my attention to you though there's a lot of distractions around me. Thank you so much Lord for choosing me as one of the children of God. I am proud of it! :)

Chapter 7 : The Reason for Everything

"Everything comes from God alone. Everything lives by his power, and everything is for his glory."

Romans 11 : 36 (LB)

It's all for him.

Without God's glory, there would be nothing.

So those are the first two sentences in this chapter, but before we make way of understanding the phrases let's try to discuss what glory means. I really don't know what that is until I read this chapter. Glory, as it explain in this chapter is who God is. It is the essence of this nature, weight of his importance, the radiance of his splendor the demonstration of his power, and the atmosphere of his presence. It is the expression of his goodness and all his other intrinsic, eternal qualities. Now you might be asking where the glory of God is. Is it inside the church or in heaven? The answer is, everything created by God reflects his glory is some way. As it says, creation reveals our Creator's glory.

The Bible says, "The heavens declare the glory of God".

Jesus Christ is the first instrument of God's glory. Without him, we are still in the dark of what God is really like. Jesus is the light of the world that illuminates God's nature. He came here on earth to fully understand the glory of God. Now, as human being created by God we are all commanded to recognize, honor, declare, praise and reflect his glory. God deserves it! We owe him every honor and recognition of all the glory. If we can praise other human beings with all their amazing things he made in this world, then why not do the same thing to God?

As it says in this chapter, living for God's glory is the greatest achievement we can accomplish with our lives. When anything in creation fulfills its purpose, it brings glory to God.

Now, how can we do that?

First, we need to understand that through worshiping, we bring glory to God. That is our first responsibility to God. Worship is a lifestyle of enjoying God, loving him, and giving ourselves to be used for his purposes. When we use our lives for God's glory, everything we do can become an act of worship. Second, loving other believers bring glory to God. It is our responsibility to learn how to love as God does, because God is love, and it honors him. Third, we bring God glory by becoming like Christ. The more we develop Christ like character, the more we will bring glory to God. God wants to continue the process of changing our characters until our last breath of earth. Fourth, we bring God glory by serving others with our gifts. Remember, each of us was uniquely designed by God with talents, skills and abilities. We are all wired to be like this, it is not an accident or because of heredity. Now, God doesn't want us to use it in selfish purposes. They were given to benefit others, just as others were given abilities for your benefit. And lastly, we bring glory to God by telling other people about him. That's why don't laugh on people who share biblical passages or quotes about God because it's one way of giving glory to Him. And besides, God doesn't want his love and purposes kept a secret. Once we know the truth, he expects us to share it with others.

God will give us what we need if we will just make the choice to live for him. He wants us to fulfill the purposes he made for us and it is the only way to live. Everything else is just existing, all we need to do is receive and believe.

Note to God:

I want to follow all the steps to give you glory but honestly, I'm having a hard time doing it all at the same time. But don't worry because I am trying to do it all just to give glory to you. I hope you understand that changing once character is not as easy as some people think. I cannot change in a very lightning speed especially if my environment plays a huge noise in making it impossible. But I know you don't miss any detail of my life and you know exactly what I'm doing to continue the process of changing my character. I know you understand me, Lord. Thank you so much for being understanding. You deserve all the glory! I love you.

Chapter 6: Life is a Temporary Assignment

"Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered, and that my life is fleeing away."

Psalm 39 ": 4 (NLT)

Life on earth is a temporary assignment.

The Bible says, "For we were born but yesterday our days on earth are as transient as a shadow."

In this chapter I've learned the two truths to remember as I continue the walk of light. First, compared with eternity, life is extremely brief. And second, earth is only a temporary residence. Yes, this chapter is reminding us not to get attached with all the things we enjoy here on earth because everything is temporary. We don't need to have it all because soon we will leave this world and live eternally with God. As it says in the chapter, as soon as we leave this world, somebody will take our places. It reminds us that we are just a foreigner or an alien in our own world. Most of us are indulging with the mainstream lifestyle and material possessions without realizing that we cannot bring it all in our next destination. We humans love flirting with all the temptations in this world, as it says in this chapter, God calls it SPIRITUAL ADULTERY.

The Bible is clear : "Friends, this world is not your home, so don't make yourselves cozy in it. Don't indulge your ego at the expense of your soul."

In this chapter, God warns us not to get attached with all the things we have here on earth or around us because it is temporary. God is preparing us for something better. And these things around us would not last forever.

Now, what is God doing in order to keep us unattached with all the things around us?

Have you ever experienced of being discontented at all times? Like for example, you want this kind of thing and when you get it, you get bored with it and something new comes along and it turns out you want that new one. We people could not be contented of whatever we have because God planned to fix our level of satisfaction by allowing us to feel a significant amount of discontentment and dissatisfaction in life. It's one way of showing that the true happiness could not find in this temporary world we all live for but in eternity with God.

Imagine if all turns perfect like we can get whatever we want in this life, what's the point of moving to another when everything's here?

We maybe have tons of happy moments here on earth but nothing beats with what God has planned for all of us. Remember, our time here on earth isn't the end of our stories, it's actually the beginning. So never focus on temporary crowns.

Note to God:

Lord, why are you so amazing? I've known about the discontentment the moment I opened my eyes with intellectual stuff. I said, we people will never be contented, but before I thought that you made it that way so that people will push themselves to the limit. Imagine if we are all contented of what we have right now, how could we possibly learn new things and be strong? However, through this chapter, I've realized that there's more deep meaning than that. You are saving us from being attached with all the things around us by feeling discontented and dissatisfied at all times because our world is not really here. Our world is with you eternally. People strive for perfections and true happiness but we are failed to realize that true perfection in your eyes and your real heavenly world. Yes, Lord, life is just a temporary assignment. And thank you for giving us this temporary assignment though it's very difficult, I hope we could all pass your final tests. I love you so much Lord! Praise you Lord! :)

Chapter 5: Seeing Life from God's View

"What is your life?"

James 4: 14b (NIV)

The way you see your life shapes your life.

In this chapter, I've learned about the "life metaphor" or the view of life that consciously or unconsciously affects our way of life. It determines how we see things through our expectations, values, relationships, goals and priorities.

The Bible says," Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God."

My two friends were actually arguing about this stuff a couple of weeks back. I told them that a person could not easily change because of his environment and "Change yourself first" is just a myth. If a person truly wants not to be a product of his environment then he should at least let the people understand they need to change for better. And of course, my friends were opposing that idea. They said, if I really want to change, I should do it with myself and I don't need to mind other people. I have to admit that I lost that verbal sword fencing because they're and I'm only one. Or maybe they're right, I am a conformist. Haha!

Anyway, this chapter talks about how life works in the eyes of God. It says, "Life is a test, life is a trust, and life is a temporary assignment". I love that line. And I know from the start how important for us to understand the tests of life and God. We are always being tested in different situation. God is testing us for Him to see how we act in tough times especially when we can't feel His presence. That happens most of the time to people. And sometimes, we believe that God doesn't exist at all but we often miss the idea that God is just testing us. People should keep in mind that God's test makes reward in eternity.

Another things is that "Life on earth is a trust". This chapter reminds us that all the things that we have right now is God's gift to us. From our energy to intelligence to relationship to appearance and resources. So we should take good care of it. Now, if we exceed the limit of those gifts God have given, we should not boast about it because it is not really ours. They just lend it for us in a while and soon other people would make use of it. Especially when it comes to finances, God test us in that area in most times. The moment we become responsible in His given resources, He will trust us to the riches of heaven.

Note to God:

Thank you so much for reminding me that all I have is actually all yours. I know I'm gifted in some areas and sometimes I can't help but to boast about it. Thanks to this chapter for reminding me that this is not really mine and it's yours. Now I have to be extra careful in using it, as much as possible I should use it in a good way. And another, Lord, I pray that you should help me deal with finances because I know you know I'm not good at that. I love you so much! :)

Chapter 4: Made to last forever.

"God has . . . planted eternity in the human heart."

Ecclesiastes 3 : 11 (NLT)

This life is not all there is.

Life on earth is just the dress rehearsal before the real production.

Those are the first two fascinating sentences that welcome this fourth chapter. It talks about the real purpose behind our existence here on earth. How many times did I say in some of my posts here that life is short that we should do all the things that we love? Can you count it? Because I can't. There maybe two to three posts that I've written it there but the truth is, I can't even remember what post that is. So there, I always encourage myself and other people to do things that we love no matter what is it because life is short. I've been boxed to that idea until I read this chapter.

It says, "This life is preparation for the the next". We maybe live in hundred years here on earth but after that death will spend forever in eternity. The scriptures in this chapter also tells us not be afraid of death because it's not the end of us but actually the transition into eternity. The reason why God created us to live here on earth is to prepare us for eternity with Him and Jesus. Every act we did on earth will reflect in eternity.

Now you may be asking what's in there in that eternity we're calling but no one can actually explain or describe it because our brain capacity could not handle it. It's futile, but one thing's for sure and that it is REAL.

To sum it up, I've learned from this chapter that all the deeds of this life are the destiny of the next. So it's not enough to do all the things we love because life is short but also to do things correctly and with God's purpose. And from there, we could built relationship with Him. Let's all remember that our earthly body is just a temporary residence of our spirits. "Our time on earth is just a blink of an eye, but the consequences of it will last forever." I am not afraid of death because I know it is the best thing I could go through. I am not excited to die but I am excited to see my best friend and the God Almighty.

Note to God:

You know I've been thinking of all the things I care about in my life, but through this chapter you made me understand that aside from doing it I should also do things that will strengthen my relationship with You. I am very thankful for opening my eyes immediately and no one word can express how much I mean all the things I'm writing here. I know you're reading this and I love the way you response through Your guidance and blessings. I know when I'm about to face the door to eternity, You are there to accept me with all your hearts. And I can't wait for that to happen. I love you so much!

Chapter 3: What drives your life?

"I observed that basic motive for success is the driving force of envy and jealousy."

Ecclesiastes 4 : 4 (LV)

Everyone's life is driven by something.

I know you've heard this thing before because I did too and that's the first sentence written in this chapter. Rick Warren sighted five forces that drives people's lives. There are guilt, resentment and anger, fear, materialism and need for approval. I'm not going to discuss the whole thing because it's gonna be long but let me just give you a glimpse of each of those driving force.

First, people driven by guilt are those spending their lives running from regrets or hiding their shame. They let their past control them, in fact they are prisoner of it. They are sabotaging their own success by caging themselves in their pasts. Second, people driven by resentment and anger are actually the one who hold extreme grudges to their offenders. Instead of letting it go, they rehearse the entire pain in their minds all over and over. The past hurts them so much and they're unconsciously motivated to do things for their offenders. Third, people driven by fear are those who often miss great opportunities because of not venturing it. Those people try to maintain their status quo by avoiding risks and love to play safe in all aspect. They're actually preventing themselves from becoming what God intends for them to be. Fourth, people driven by materialism are those who think possession will make them happy and secure. They think their value determined by their valuables. They even stick to the fact that it gives them real and lifetime security. And last, people driven by the need for approval are those who controlled by the opinions of other people. They try to please everyone by following other people's standards and they get lost in it.

Now as I understand the five driving force, I can say all my life I am driven by the two. Those are resentment and need for approval. I am driven by resentment and anger because it's very obvious in my early posts how I am extremely motivated by bitterness. I hold grudge to people who hurt me so much. I even promised to myself that I am going to be somebody who has an amazing life that they would look after. But then, through this chapter, I've realized how bitterness could poison my entire life. No matter how far I could get with my life, I'm still the loser because my offender might forget the pain he brought me into my life but through perpetuating the past, the pain still there. The Bible says, "To worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish, senseless thing to do." So meaning, I should learn from it and let it go. On the other hand, I just said that the second driving force is the need for approval. I always say that I don't care about other people but deep inside I always think about how they people about me, at least those people I like. I want them to like me and to create great impression. I want people to talk about how amazing I am doing creative and intellectual stuff. But then, this chapter says that being controlled by other people's opinions is a guaranteed way to miss God's purpose for our lives. Yes, the key to failure is to try to please everyone which would never happen.

I've learned a lot from this chapter that would somehow change the way I live my life. Like I don't need to create legacy here on earth because it's just a short-sighted goal and soon no matter how important it is, it will be forgotten. Next, if I want my life to have impact, I should carefully think about it and focus it. I don't need to do a lot of stuff. I should at least do all the things God intend me to do.

Note to God:

I thank you for all enlightening stuff I learned today. I am so glad that you helping me and a lot of people to live our lives simple and with meaning. I know it takes time for me to acquire all the things I'm learning from this book and from serving you, but I know someday I will live perfectly from what you intend me to be. Thanks for all the realizations. I love you so. :)

Chapter 2: You are not an accident.

"I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born."

Isaiah 44 : 29 (CEV)

You are not an accident.

That's the first sentence written in this amazing chapter. It talks about how God created us. i said it's amazing because Rick Warren, the author of the book helps us understand that God created us the way He wanted us to be. We may not like our physical features or our races but we're ought to understand that God created us in this way because He has a purpose and He will fulfill that purpose for us.

The Bible says, "From one man he made every nation, ... and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live."

Yes, God planned and created everything. He was the one who had chosen our race, our nationality, our hair and every other feature. Everything was custom made by Him, so long before He's expected us to live in this world. He even planned where and when we'd be born and where we'd live for His purpose. Aside from our race and birth dates and places, He also planned all the natural skills and talents that we would possess and the uniqueness of our personalities.

That's why there is this saying, "You can't have everything." and I believe in that. Some of you may know these kind of people, perfect face but empty-headed, intelligent but not so good looking, rich but not gifted, artistic but broke, etc. Every one of us is unique. Some may notice it but I've noticed it long ago before I got to read this chapter. And I told my friends before that God is really awesome for molding us like this, He never created a perfect human being here on earth. Everyone on us has flaws to deal with.

Sometimes, I look myself in the mirror and I don't like what I see. I keep on complaining how my skin sucks and how numerous flaws I have not just physically but even mentally. I talk to God about it and ask Him series of questions about my imperfections. I know I am not the only imperfect person on earth but I think my imperfections are too much. I even ask Him how it feels like to be desirably attractive like some people I know.

But then, through this chapter I've got to realize that those almost perfect people I see on TV or I know was created by God in that way because their almost perfect features would be their source of income. And let's deal with it, we know they're normal human beings with imperfections maybe not with their physical features but I know their lives are not perfect as we think. The bottom line is that, we are all UNIQUE.

"Long before you were conceived by your parents, you were conceived in the mind of God. You are alive because God wanted to create you."

Those lines of this chapter got me so bad. I smile every time I got to think about it. And yes, Rick Warren is right. Our parents might not plan us to pop in this world but God did! He expected us! God never did us accidentally, He created PERFECTLY with His tender love. God was thinking of us even before we were born.

He is an amazing Creator. We were like in a movie and all of us are the characters. He have written the script and conceptualize everything from our character back ground, to time and setting. He directs us perfectly. We are not visible in this world without Him. Without Him, life has no meaning. He is an awesome Creator I've ever known!

Note to God:

Lord, thank you for this eye opening chapter. You know how I complain about how I look sometimes, but this chapter help me to cope with it and to understand that I am perfectly made by You. And I am so thankful about it. I maybe extremely imperfect but You gave me this unique personality that most people love. You gave me this talent and intellectuality that are very priceless. You put me in here in a very diverse country where I could possibly learn and understand a lot of things in this world. I may not belong in a wealthy family but I am very lucky to have a cool and supportive family. They may not understand me at most times but the fact that I grew up in a complete and loving family is enough for me to be a better person. Lord, thank you so much for every thing. I know that I'm reading this book by Your own purpose. I love you so much.

Chapter 1: It all starts with God.

"For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, . . . Everything got started in Him and finds its purpose in Him."

Colossians 1:16 (Msg)

I was totally alarmed when I got to read the first chapter of the book The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. I started reading it yesterday and my good friend Petel lent me the book. The first sentence of the first chapter says, "It's not about you". The whole me was appalled as I continued reading the first paragraph.

In my twenty years of existence, I've never thought of anything but myself, my dreams, my passion, etc. I've been thinking that everything is a choice and that I control my life so no matter what happened to me, it is me who's responsible to it. And sure, there is God. I've been serving Him for almost four months now. I've been praying every night since I am a little to thank him for every thing and ask for His forgiveness together with His guidance and His blessings. And that's all.

All my life, I've been thinking how God is there guiding me all the way. So it's like God is actually there just for me and all the people who believes in Him. I even treat Him like my best friend because despite of having tons of friends, I don't really have a real life best friend. A best friend is the one you talk to about the way you feel and the one that really knows who you truly are. Sadly, I don't have one. Sure, sometimes I can't help but to talk about the way I feel to some friends. However, most of the time I'm prettying things up when I'm sharing something so that those listeners would not judge me. Nobody really knows me.

It is God who knows everything about me. At night, I tell Him how my day was before I my eyes officially shut. I ask for His forgiveness and I thank Him for everything He gave me. I complain stuff to Him and talk about my reflections at the end of it. And of course, I tell Him how much I love Him. I always talk to Him when I'm alone discussing stuff and praying to help me be strong and more understanding.

And I am so ashame right after I read the first chapter because I've realized that I'm treating God as someone who's just there for me to guide me and bless me. I've never think of Him as my creator and that I exist because of Him. That He's the only one who knows my real purpose here on Earth. I've got to read a lot of intellectual stuff, but I've never read a Bible. It's shameful that I've got to buy different books or stuff, but I can't buy a Bible.

And now that I am convince to get one, I can't because I only have 500php in my wallet and I'm jobless. In six months of teaching, I haven't save anything! I lie when I say to people that I have because I don't really have! I don't know what to do now. I hate myself that I'm spending money for myself but not for God. It so sad. :(

"Why is it so hard to live in this world?", I've been asking God that question when I feel down but after reading the first chapter, I've realized that instead of asking that question, I should ask Him this one, "What is really my purpose here on Earth?". He is the only one who could answer it because He is our creator .

Note to God:

I am very sorry for just thinking these stuff now. I know You are always there for me. Please guide me as I walk to Your light. Please keep on reminding me that I exist for You and You direct my life. You are the best director in this world because You direct my life so well even if hardship always strikes. I love the way You open my eyes in this matter. You are so great and awesome! I know that I'm gonna face a new me in 40 days. Thank you so much Jesus! I love You! :)