"For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, . . . Everything got started in Him and finds its purpose in Him."
Colossians 1:16 (Msg)
I was totally alarmed when I got to read the first chapter of the book The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. I started reading it yesterday and my good friend Petel lent me the book. The first sentence of the first chapter says, "It's not about you". The whole me was appalled as I continued reading the first paragraph.
In my twenty years of existence, I've never thought of anything but myself, my dreams, my passion, etc. I've been thinking that everything is a choice and that I control my life so no matter what happened to me, it is me who's responsible to it. And sure, there is God. I've been serving Him for almost four months now. I've been praying every night since I am a little to thank him for every thing and ask for His forgiveness together with His guidance and His blessings. And that's all.
All my life, I've been thinking how God is there guiding me all the way. So it's like God is actually there just for me and all the people who believes in Him. I even treat Him like my best friend because despite of having tons of friends, I don't really have a real life best friend. A best friend is the one you talk to about the way you feel and the one that really knows who you truly are. Sadly, I don't have one. Sure, sometimes I can't help but to talk about the way I feel to some friends. However, most of the time I'm prettying things up when I'm sharing something so that those listeners would not judge me. Nobody really knows me.
It is God who knows everything about me. At night, I tell Him how my day was before I my eyes officially shut. I ask for His forgiveness and I thank Him for everything He gave me. I complain stuff to Him and talk about my reflections at the end of it. And of course, I tell Him how much I love Him. I always talk to Him when I'm alone discussing stuff and praying to help me be strong and more understanding.
And I am so ashame right after I read the first chapter because I've realized that I'm treating God as someone who's just there for me to guide me and bless me. I've never think of Him as my creator and that I exist because of Him. That He's the only one who knows my real purpose here on Earth. I've got to read a lot of intellectual stuff, but I've never read a Bible. It's shameful that I've got to buy different books or stuff, but I can't buy a Bible.
And now that I am convince to get one, I can't because I only have 500php in my wallet and I'm jobless. In six months of teaching, I haven't save anything! I lie when I say to people that I have because I don't really have! I don't know what to do now. I hate myself that I'm spending money for myself but not for God. It so sad. :(
"Why is it so hard to live in this world?", I've been asking God that question when I feel down but after reading the first chapter, I've realized that instead of asking that question, I should ask Him this one, "What is really my purpose here on Earth?". He is the only one who could answer it because He is our creator .
Note to God:
I am very sorry for just thinking these stuff now. I know You are always there for me. Please guide me as I walk to Your light. Please keep on reminding me that I exist for You and You direct my life. You are the best director in this world because You direct my life so well even if hardship always strikes. I love the way You open my eyes in this matter. You are so great and awesome! I know that I'm gonna face a new me in 40 days. Thank you so much Jesus! I love You! :)
