20 YEARS ON EARTH!

Inpyeong Elementary kids showing some love. :)

Jane's kick-ass birthday card. :)

November 26, 2010 was a date to remember. On that date, I celebrated my second decade on this goddam world. Well, thanks to God for this new decade.

And so I have so many things to write here about my 20th birthday but I don't know where to start. It's just amazing because I know it's my first time to post something about my birthday.

Let's get started.

I felt so special for receiving a lot of gifts from my co-teachers at Enoz. Almost all of the people at the office greeted me, but few people outside the office remembered my birthday maybe because I deactivated my Facebook account.

Well that's a funny thing about Facebook, when you're a part of their online community you'll probably greeted by hundreds of people because Facebook wants you to feel special on your birthday. :D

So there, I received the best gift I had on my birthday. :)

My students greeted me as well as the Korean teachers I've been working with for more than four months. But my twelve-year-old student from BongHyun Elementary and the class I have for two consecutive semesters from Inpyeong Elementary got me the most! Jane made a simple birthday card for me. And it was really cute, she even drew me there. That student was very nice to me! And the second one really killed me. My kids from Inpyeong greeted me in a very creative way. They prepared birthday flash cards wherein the kids formed a line carrying each flash card with letters on it spelled as HAPPY BIRTHDAY and a heart. Whooaa. I was deeply moved by their creative presentation. It was awesome, thanks to Teacher Gemma (the Korean teacher) for making the presentation possible.

I just love them.

THEY MADE ME HAPPY! :)

Hearting Tumblr.

I am so in love with tumblr now.

My tumblr speaks my mind through awesome online pictures.

Yes, I don't put too much words there.

I always reblog other people's interesting stuff and most of the time I post typography photos there from weheartit.com.

I always learn something there especially by reading posts from different feminists that I follow.

It's always good learning something profound online than just reading lame statuses from people you know that poisons your intellectuality.

It's just awesome cos I don't personally know 90% of the people I'm following and those who are following me. So I could easily post photos that I can relate to. And I know those people feels the same way, too.

It's just awesome.

That's all I can say.

I just love tumblr now next to blogger, of course. :)

GUESS WHAT???!!

Isn't it weird that one of the person who drove you to deactivate your Facebook account was actually the first ever person who asked you why you did it?

OMG! I don't know how to react to this one but I was really surprised! I don't even know what to say now. I don't want to assume that she's spying my Facebook page but really it was so surprising. Well anyway, let's end this up now cos there's a lot of essential things to write here than bitching her out. Of course, I won't do that though I slightly did yesterday. Okay, I won't do that again! I promise. HAHAHA!

Well, anyway I feel so good while writing this one because of the pastor's preaching about generosity. I know I wasn't generous enough earlier but I promise next service. :D

Oh God I'm very sorry but I really have a hard time giving to the church or to other people (sometimes) cause I'm not wealthy. Okay so I know we don't need to be wealthy in order to be generous but you have to understand that I'm not earning that much and I have obligations to my family and I need to save money to pamper myself. And seriously, while I was on my way home I felt guilty because before I used to buy 2-3 packs of cigarettes a week but I can't offer a single centavo to you.

So GOD..

Please help me out to be enlightened, to be generous, to be understanding and not to hate other people.

Hope it's gonna be a happy Monday tomorrow.

Good night! :)

BYE FOR AWHILE

Alright so I deactivated my Facebook account for good.

I didn't tell anyone what I did cos I don't want my friends there to notice it.

And for sure I might end up explaining to 800+ people why the hell I've done that.

I just said it here cos I know no one's gonna fucking read this blog.

But anyway, my Tumblr, Twitter, Friendster, Multiply, YM and this Blogger are still active.

What's the reason?

Well, let's put it this way, I got fed up checking out the news feed where I got interested with other people lives even if I don't want to.

Facebook was a little destructive.

I should have done this a couple months ago, but I was afraid that I'm gonna be left out if I deactivated it so I stayed.

But then now I already made up my mind.

That's the first reason.

Second, there is a friend of mine who I've been feeling insecure for a couple of months now because I'm seeing myself in her.

I hate the fact that she is very sociable and I know there's nothing wrong with that.

But I hate the fact that she's bragging who she's hanging with every weekend through her lame statuses just to look cool.

Oh damn why am I saying this?

Whoa.

I hate myself for hating her, but I need to release it here because obviously I can't verbally punch her nor bitch her out to our circle.

And yes, I know this second reason is shallow.

And last reason!

Recently, I added independent film makers in the industry (and I don't even know some of them) just to get updated on the latest film competition.

So I ended up viewing their profiles and photo albums.

And of course, I got jealous because they're already doing what they love.

And I'm talking about those people who's not just coming to a film screening so that they could brag something on Facebook, they're exhibiting their own films or supporting their co-film makers.

And I feel so bad that I'm not like them. And sometimes, I feel like I can't be like them forever that I will suffer from this pain until the last day of my life.

And I know that's so EMO. lol

Well anyway, I said I just deactivated my Facebook.

Meaning I can still access it whenever I want to.

That's the strange thing about Facebook, they will never delete your account.

They want you to live in this online world forever. :)

Happy Halloween!

Psalm 116:15

Precious in the sight of the Lord

is the death of his saints.

"Death is a transition.

Death is an opportunity.

Death is a precious event."

- Pastor's Preaching

Death scares a lot of people especially when we're still in the process of exploring our world. Well, actually for me life is a never-ending process of exploration. Anyway, who wants to die young, right? And that scares me big time. Dying without achieving anything.

Lately, my mind was messed up with languishing thoughts and it got exasperated too with all the things around me. Well you can actually see how morbid my mind was in my last post by saying I was just like waiting for someone to take away my life. I was dreary and totally down in dumps.

Then, last Tuesday I was out with my guy friends to bond with cup of coffee. We were planning to do some projects just to at least nurture some of our talents and skills. When I was about to leave, one of my guy friend and I talked about death. And I asked him if he's scared to die and he said no. And of course, I asked why and he said because for him death is enlightment. And I thought for a while and agreed.

And he is so right.

Just think about how hard it is to live in this goddam world.

You need to do everything to survive, you need to conform (even if it's killing you), you need to live with the standards of all the people around you, you need to follow all the things that the society have been perpetuated and a whole lot more.

I always search for answers and try to understand everything by studying different theories and observing my surroundings and yet I can't even get a simple answer to everything. I thought I need a bunch of peanuts in order to answer those mind bugling questions. But then, maybe I can't get those answers simply because I'm still alive.

And so when the Pastor talked about death last night, my mind was fixed up with the essence of death. But that doesn't mean that I'm ready to face God Almighty, of course I'm not yet ready. I just feel so celestial because all the languish thoughts vanished because of the preaching I heard last night.

I feel better now.

And still, I keep praying for me to achieve happiness and to cherish my relationship with God.

That would not happen in just a snap but at least I know to myself that I'm giving my best shots.

I love you Lord. :)