For the passed five months, there were times when I feel like walking in the desert alone without water or anything. The hotness makes me just want to lie down in the middle of the dessert waiting to be burned up. Walking feeling alone makes me ask a lot of questions.. Questions that are answerable! And yet, I ask and ask over.
This could be one of the seasons in my life that I feel like I'm prepared for this long ago but unfortunately not. I've seen a lot of people went through this season and even encouraged them at times but I've never thought I would be reacting as if this is something new to me.
At times, I find myself questioning and begging Him to take me out of the desert because He is the only one who has the power to do so. What makes it more frustrating is not the place where I'm in but the response that I say. It reveals the weakness of my foundation.
However, above all the frustrations and self-disappointments while walking under the heat of the sun in the desert, He never fails to remind me something. THAT HE LOVES ME and THAT IT IS NOT TRUE THAT I AM ALONE WALKING IN THERE. These reminders, realizations or revelations each day of my life are the proofs that He holds me so tight that He wont let me go back from slavery.
Maybe I feel like I'm in the wilderness in a long time and I just can't wait to get into the Promised Land. But hey, is it really about the Promised Land? Don't you think it's about the One who promised it, the BUILDER and the GIVER?
It is a shame to realize that I am more after the blessings more than the Blesser. But He loves me, He knew I am going to fail Him from the beginning but He chose to die for me, anyway. What a lover! How can He love like that? Really, how can He? I am amazed..
