I Just Don't Understand

A few hours ago, I was asking God why some people are having a hard time to forgive despite of the knowledge that we are all forgiven through Jesus? I find this really hard to understand especially for men. 

I know two men who are hating each other for a very long time. They verbally punch each other and love proving that both of them are right. I actually know why they feel that way to each other. The thing is, they both have faith in Jesus and even understand the Gospel. 

I don't want to think that they don't really understand the cost of what Jesus did for us because who am I to say that, right? But I really don't get why it's hard for them to accept that none of them are perfect so why not forgive each other and break free from those bondages? 

Then, I've started reading the book by Deborah Tannen, You Just Don't Understand. Yes, I'm back to reading gender communication styles. Just finished chapter 1 actually and it makes me rememeber my college days. My professor in Communication Theory class was the one who introduced Deborah Tannen's studies to us. 

Just like from what I learned in college, she stresses to her book that most of the problem in relationships is communication. We have to understand the difference between men and women's communication styles. 

These are the parts that struck me the most : 

"I now see that my husband was simply engaging the world in a way that many men do: as an individual in a hierarchical social order in which he was either one up or one down. In this world, conversations are negotiations in which people try to achieve and maintain the upper hand if they can, and protect themselves from others' attempts to put them down and push them around. Life, then, is a contest, a struggle to preserve independence and avoid failure." 

"I, on the other hand, was approaching the world as many women do: as an individual in a network of connections. In this world, conversations are negotiations of closeness in which people try to seek and give confirmation and support, and to reach consensus. They try to protect themselves from others' attempts to push them away. Life, then, is a community, a struggle to preserve intimacy and avoid isolation. Though there are hierarchies in this world too, they are hierarchies more of friendship than of power and accomplishment."

And what she is saying is all true, right? I think I already learned about this when I was in college but I maybe I forgot. @____@

Perhaps I would never ever understand why those two men  keep verbally punching each other because my conversational style is different from them. However, if life is a contest for them and they keep avoiding failure for their statuses, then I must understand that they're carrying heavy baggage full of junk!

So, instead of feeling irritated every time they do sword fencing in front of me, I should ask God for grace for me to keep silent and remind me that people with heavy baggage are too tired and tend to react in a way that can hurt others.

And maybe men and women have different conversational styles but both are created by an awesome Creator. Though created and customized in different ways with different roles to play, both are equal and loved! 

So, for those men I'm writing here, maybe their stoned hearts are hard as nails to each other today but soon I'm in faith that God will turn those into flesh! And I know God has been touching their hearts right now. And I can't wait for that time to happen. :-)

JUNK: Distraction

The message of the preaching at the service I attended was very powerful. The preacher was stressing that we are all in a race and we need to fix our eyes on Jesus in order to get into that finish line. 

Message was amazing, however, just like what the preacher mentioned as one of the things that we need to take off along the race, EVERYTHING THAT HINDERS. That very moment the preacher was stressing that point, there was one hindrance that came along to distract me to fully understand God's message. 

I know it's been a really long time since I last posted about a guy in this blog. It maybe a year or two, I guess. And I actually haven't written about this here but I've been crushing someone in our congregation since the time I started attending. 

And that a lil long time crush of mine sat at the back of my seat during the service! Was really trying to focus my mind on the preaching and the Holy Spirit was even helping me by whispering that he doesn't look at me nor even care about the one sitting in front of him. 

I'm open with my close friends that I got a crush on him BEFORE. I've been convincing myself that he is just a former crush now after the retreat where we teamed up together. But that was actually a total denial! I still have crush on him and I couldn't count the moments where instead of thinking important things I choose to imagine scenarios with him in different situations. 

Until I read a post just a while ago written by a truly intellectual godly man in our congreagation, too. His post was about the messages he's been receiving from ladies telling him that they got a crush on him because of his posted articles. Well, his line of thinking is very admirable, so, you cannot blame those ladies. :-D

He wrote a big bang to all kinds of women today. I could actually feel the annoyance on his part while writing it but his point is truly something that we should not miss. 

I like how he's saying on that post that having a crush on him is pointless because he cannot save them nor even feed himself. He is saying that crushing on him or a celebrity or a public figure is a waste of time. You are wasting the time that is supposed to be for God. Only Jesus can save you not your crushes you always daydream. 

Wow! I really can't imagine tha a guy would respond to crush messages like that. Today, women are not the only attention seekers in this world and always want to loook good but even men. And those crush messages are perfect stuff to make him feel manly, cool and good looking BUT it doesn't flatter him. It actually insults him because his main goal is for his readers to understand the message he likes to convey. 

Though I can still feel the punch after reading it, I still believe that it is not an accident that I got to his blog. You see, that crush of mine is a big distraction to me! I'm not saying it's bad to have a crush, it's okay but my case is different! It's really bad. The physical admiration I've got for him hinders me to a much deeper relationship with God. 

Believe me, I just don't want to write the whole thing here because it's embarrassing. :-D 

That crush of mine doesn't even think of me and I'm pretty sure of that, he doesn't even smile at me when we see each other at church, he just look though we became group mates. I doubt if he remembers my name! So in reality, he doesn't deserve even just three seconds of my time. 

The point is, why waste my time to someone who doesn't even know me by name when there is the One who knows me by name and love me unconditionally and sacrificially? That no matter how hard I mess up and disobey, He is always there for me. The One who has saved me!!!! 

I'm sad while writing this not because I have to let go of that church crush of mine but because I feel like I've been setting aside Jesus without realizing it. And that I tolerated the simple attraction that hinders me from fixing my eyes to the author and perfector of faith. 

More sad because Christian and non-christian friends always come to me for prayers and encouragement. They feel like my faith is too high because they see me as someone who is very in love with Jesus and others even look up to me but they don't know that there's also this part of me. 

 Haayyy Lord. Help me fix my eyes on you! This is truly an eye opener. :-(

My Game Plan vs His Greater Plan

THREE MONTHS AGO:

My original game plan was to stay in my previous company and get another job since I had lots of time. Just really wanted to increase my savings & the tithe I'm giving monthly and to allot money for the building fund of our church.

LAST NIGHT:

As you all know, I lost my office job last week. :-)

But my good friend and I are believing God something greater this year. And it's really great that I don't want to write it here yet. :-D

He sent me a material about branding that I can use as a reference. And it helps me a lot.

I did the heart to heart activity last night, here it is:

Really had fun doing it but that was not the original activity I made. The original was in my sketchpad which is more creative, just photoshopped the above version so I can share it here but same content. :-D

Also, after that, I opened my Bible and really asked God to speak to me through His Word. I was in  the first few parts of Exodus. 

I was re-reading the part where Moses saw the burning bush. He was tending the flocks of his father-in-law when God caught his attention by appearing in flames of fire from within a bush. Surely, God caught Moses' attention because though the bush was on fire it did not burn up.

“I will go over and see this strange sight—why the bush does not burn up.”

Exodus 3:3

When we are too focus on our plans, sometimes God uses strange things in our sights like circumstances, inconvenient transitions, unexpected battles, etc to get our attentions. 

Just like Moses being contented on where he was that time tending the flocks, I was also loving the convenience of my work place and too focus on my original plan. However, God had even greater plans for Moses and that was to bring him into the mission and get his people (Israelite) out of Egypt. 

And that greater plans of God doesn't just work for Moses but even to you and me.

After that these following verses struck me: (God to Moses)

..“Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.”

Exodus 3:5

..“I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you.."

Exodus 3:12

The business opportunity I'm believing God this year is not just for the sake of making money out of it. The things I put on the call-outs in the heart to heart activity I did last night will cover them all. Yes, it's major goal is for the advancement of God's Kingdom. To reach out the lost ones.

I believe God will be with me in this journey and this extreme desire is coming from Him. 

I may not know the exact game plan but the important is, I know He holds it. :-)

When you don't understand why you're there right now..

Do you love listening to success stories?

Suppose there are two rich men in front of you ready to share their success stories. One is a man who grew up in a wealthy family and the other one is an ordinary man who used to be a bus conductor but now owns 250 bus terminals around the country. Which story would you like to hear? :-)

People love to hear rugs to riches stories, right? 

I thought of this last night while remembering a business owner friend of mine from the church. His business has been slow these days and based on our friend's story, sometimes he couldn't help but to question God. Like our friend said he's doing things that way it should be done, praying in a proper way, etc. But he still wonders why things go that way.

I cannot blame that friend of mine because I'm also guilty about it. Sometimes we're being faithless when things don't go the way we are expecting it to happen. 

As I was remembering that friend of mine and thinking about my present situation, God spoke to me through His Word. I was re-reading Genesis and last night, I was in Joseph's story.

One of the my favorite characters in the Bible is Joseph. Not only that he was able to overcome everything that happened to him but also because of him being trustful to God's plans and purposes. We all know what happened to Joseph and his responses after all the sufferings and struggles, very encouraging!

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Genesis 50:20

Sometimes God puts us in a dark place to see the light. When there is too much light, can you see the beautiful stars? How about the perfect shape moon? See? It takes darkness for us to see the lightness of God.

Also, this makes me remember Jesus when He healed a blind man since birth in John 9. The disciples asked Him who sinned (he or his parents) to make him blind. But Jesus said, "Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. While I am in the world, I am the light of the world."

Sometimes there is really nothing wrong with us! But things happen.. so that the works of God might be displayed in us. Yes, we may plan accurately, pray harder, serve the ministry 24/7 but those things will not make God move in a way that we are expecting! 

As His children, He is allowing us to go through the season of suffering not just to test our faith and character but He also wants our brothers and sisters to find rest and encouragement through our battles and struggles. God's plans for our lives are meant to be shared. He wants others to know His power and goodness through us and in us.

The thing is, we just really need to trust His works.. No matter what you're going through right now.. You may be praying and believing God for something and I assure you, He's moving now.. Maybe not the way we are expecting but just have faith, after all, He knows what He's doing, He is God, remember? :-)

Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.
Isaiah 65:24

The Parable of the Stone

The Parable of the Stone (not in the Bible)

by: Elisabeth Elliot

One day Jesus said to his disciples:  “I’d like you to carry a stone for me.”  He didn’t give any explanation.  So the disciples looked around for a stone to carry, and Peter, being the practical sort, sought out the smallest stone he could possibly find.  After all, Jesus didn’t give any regulations for weight and size!  So he put it in his pocket.  Jesus then said: “Follow me.”  He led them on a journey.  About noontime Jesus had everyone sit down.  He waved his hands and all the stone turned to bread.  He said, “Now it’s time for lunch.”  In a few seconds, Peter’s lunch was over.  When lunch was done Jesus told them to stand up.  He sad again, “I’d like you to carry a stone for me.”  This time Peter said, “Aha!  Now I get it!”  So he looked around and saw a small boulder.  He hoisted it on his back and it was painful, it made him stagger.  But he said, “I can’t wait for supper.”  Jesus then said: “Follow me.”  He led them on a journey, with Peter barely able to keep up.  Around supper time Jesus led them to the side of a river.  He said, “Now everyone throw your stones into the water.”  They did.  Then he said, “Follow me,” and began to walk.  Peter and the others looked at him dumbfounded.  

Jesus sighed and said, 

“Don’t you remember what I asked you to do?  Who were you carrying the stone for?”

-end-

 

House.Home

I was angry yesterday about "our house" that has been in the making for three years. I was angrily crying alone to God because I don't want to let the sun goes down on me and verbally punch someone. And besides, I know God knows my heart and He's always there to listen than anyone else in this world.

While crying, He asked me to open His Word and so I did.

And this was His Word for me,

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me.  My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” 

 John 14:1-4

And earlier, I was reading The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller and I was in the part where he explains in his book our longing for home. God has revealed to me something and that is..

I'm longing for home. 

I want a Christian family ever since I started following Jesus. That's not bad, that's actually great! But at the same time, I hate what I have at the moment including the house that we're staying in for seven years. I hate everything about my house that's why I'm believing God that we will move in the new house very soon. Again, that's also not bad, that actually makes my faith increase. 

HOWEVER, here's what God has made me realize, even if I get to live in that new house and get that Christian family, I'M STILL NOT HOME!!! There will still be "spiritual homesickness" and I will still long for home. 

"We are all exiles, always longing for home. We are always traveling, never arriving. The houses and families we actually inhabit are only inns along the way, but they aren't home. Home continues to evade us."

 "We may work hard to re-create the home that we have lost, but says the Bible, it only exists in the presence of the heavenly father from which we have fled."

"This world, as it now exists, is not the home we long for."

The Prodigal God, Timothy Keller

I was enlightened and I just can't thank God enough for that!

Real home can only be found in the hands of the Heavenly Father through His son and our Lord and Savior, Jesus. 

And I'm so looking forward to that! I was actually trying to imagine how that feast at the end of the history would be like but I really can't.. Can you imagine how it's like Jesus coming down here on earth to present us to the Father? And that awesome feast that will happen with all people in every nation? I doubt, I think no human brain can handle it. :-)

Haayyy Lord... I should just be thankful in everything You've been blessing me, YES, even the house that I live in! But I'm in faith, that very soon You'll take us out of this house and move us to something better in Your perfect time. It would not fully satisfy me but since I know Your promises are real, You will never fail me. :-)

No personality at all?!

I was in the washroom with my officemates after our shift.

I was fixing my stuff to put in my bag when one of my officemates saw my Bible. 

She scanned it and said, "You know in Catholic religion, you cannot do this in your Bible. It is very sacred to write something in here. Your Bible is too personal."

That officemate of mine is claiming she is an atheist (and of course I don't believe her) that's why I was surprised when she said that.

It was all started in the Bible then shifted to them giving comments to the new me.

One of them said I'm so different now they can even see halo above my head.

"Nawalan na ng personality si Cang, no?"

"Oo nga, panget yung masyadong good girl!"

I was just quiet listening to the things they said about me but deep inside I was asking myself if I should be flattered or what.

After they said that and left, the first thing I said in front of the mirror was 

"Wow! Thank You LORD"

After hearing that, I feel like I am really not a part if this world already and that I am so blessed that I am so over measuring up in the standard of this world.

They maybe right, I lose my personality already because I am new creature now!! :-)

This is one of the things I desire from the day I started to follow Jesus.. That people wont see Cang in me but that they would see Jesus instead. :-)

I am not perfect! I still sin! My heart is still full of junk but because my identity is IN CHRIST, I know my value and I am righteous and victorious through Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. :-)

Wisdom brightens a man's face and changes its hard appearance.

Ecclesiastes 8:1

Mid-year Prayer&Fasting2012 + God's Timing

Happy Mid-year of 2012!!

And this week, we had Mid-year Prayer & Fasting for three days! Yes, that was short compare last January. :-D

I participated for the second time this year for two reasons. 

FIRST, I was called to fast last February. I really knew I needed to do so. However, due to being disobedient and too much procrastination, I didn't do! :-D

And FINALLY, I need to hear God's voice crystal clear! I want to get thirsty for Him! I want to seek His face more!!! I want to live by the Spirit and get filled! I want to be fueled by His love. :-)

As I was fasting and having my quiet time in a coffee shop, I checked the Prayer&Fasting guide I used last January. At the second to the last page, I wrote there all my the things and breakthroughs I'm believing God for the rest of the year. 

We are in the middle of the year, right? And guess how faithful our Heavenly Father is?! Only one prayer haven't answered yet.. which means almost all my prayers got answered in the span of six months!!!!!!!

I really hate that I didn't get to notice it! One reason is due to the busyness of life and the problems and circumstances it brings everyday! But really, WOW! I really could not believe what my eyes had seen! 

One of the things I listed there was the salvation of my family, which was the most important. I remember the days and nights, I would lift up their names to the Lord for their salvation and that they would experience the same love I'm experiencing from God. There were times when I wanted to give up but God's Word and people were there to remind me that His promises are real.

And guess what?! It's true! God's promises are real and He hears us because my whole family has been attending church for one month straight! YES, even my father that I was scared to invite because I thought he's know-it-all when it comes to Christianity. FYI He actually wants to get connected now to grow deeper with His relationship with God. How awesome is that, isn't it? 

SO, if you're believing God for the salvation of your family and friends, just hold on and be patient because GOD answers.. in His right timing. :-)

-

God's timing is always perfect!

God could have answered my prayer last year or last last year when I started lifting my family up to Him, but why just last month?

I believe because He loves us so much that He doesn't want us to go back from the way we used to be. As human beings (even Christians), let's admit it, we are too impatient! Yes, as Christians, we say we live by faith. But that doesn't work all the time! We are too impatient and wants everything to work in the way we see it.  

There were times when I became too impatient though I know there's a purpose why God put me in this family. However, I didn't give up praying for them, they were even one of the reasons why I fasted in the start of the year. 

God could have answered my prayer about my family's salvation when I was being too impatient just to please me that time that He's a good father so I could praise and worship Him with all my heart. However, He has plans and He wants me to know that who He is in my eyes doesn't end there! That there is more and more greater things to discover about Him and experience from Him.

I received a bad news last month. My client for 1 1/2 year informed me that she doesn't need my service anymore due to the slowness of her business. I was speechless and didn't know how to react because I wasn't expecting that news.

I prayed and talked to God and said this,

"What is really happening? Why now when everything looks fine. I don't get nervous with handling my tasks anymore and my income is already calculated for the tithes, obligation to my family and pledge I'm gonna give to the new building for the church for the rest of the year? I thought I want to start a business for an extra income? Plus, I've reached out people in this work place and trying to reach out more. Why are You getting this from me? I know Your plans are good, pleasing and perfect and this job is not forever BUT WHY SO SOON?"

After praying and asking that, I felt a massive relief in my heart. I've got an answer in a very lightning speed. And that is, He's going to use me somewhere else. :-) 

Anyway, it's not my purpose to work there, it's His, remember? I'm actually getting excited on what He's in store for me. 

I believe God has answered my prayer for my family just last month because it was really the perfect time! 

And He, answering that prayer in this season of my life makes me rejoice in His goodness and power more and more! If He got to answer the most important prayer in my life, how much more the new work or career for me? :-)

You see, it's all about FAITH! 

And I also understand why God is intruding in my life at present.

Sometimes, we get to be super comfortable from where we are because it's too convenient to us. It's too convenient that we don't want to leave and just stay there without realizing that He has better plans for us! And the only way to get to that plan work is to leave that we don't wanna do because it's too comfy and SO, He's taking us OUT. He takes us out from our comfort zone to use us for His glory! :-)

IT'S REALLY ALL ABOUT HIM, NEVER US!! 

I'm still SiCK

"If you know you are sick you may go to a doctor; if you don't know you're sick you won't - you'll just die."
 

The Prodigal God, Timothy Keller

I'm reading a beautiful book at the moment by Timothy Keller. It is so beautiful that sometimes I just want to stop reading it. It brings up the rottenness of my heart. :-)

The line above struck me . . . 

I can be lost/sick or go back from being lost without knowing it!

I can be very very good in observing the laws but still lost.

Man, it is dangerous!

Going to church every Sunday doesn't mean you're not lost . . .

Serving the ministry 24/7 doesn't mean you're not lost . . .

Reaching out to lost people doesn't mean you're not lost . . .

Obeying everything the Lord has commanded doesn't mean you're not lost . . .

and the list goes on!!!

We can do all the things above not out of love but because of the BLESSINGS we are believing for. 

It makes us obsessed not with the BLESSER but with the BLESSINGS.

I am guilty about this. :-(

I am weak and I need JESUS to take out the garbage in my heart and purify it.

More to quote in the coming days . . . :-)