I just couldn't think of something to wear!

So, tomorrow is my the christening of my childhood best friend's baby. I was cutting my fingernails while thinking of something to wear. I just couldn't think of something to wear, so, I've started to think why we need to think of something to wear when attending to an event or even if we're just going out. 

Like at home, do you wear cocktail dress? We're usually undressed, right? We never wear clothes that makes us uncomfortable. In fact, for women, we don't wear bra at all when we're at home, right? Unlike when we're going out or attending an event, we usually worry of what we should wear to stand out or even just to fit in. But most of the people we see in events or even just in malls are strangers, aren't they? Most of the people there are the ones we barely see or wouldn't see at all. YES, we take extra effort to look good for total strangers unconsciously! 

Likewise in friendship, notice that if we get really really close to someone, we become rude to them? OK, maybe not really rude but we sometimes don't treat them very special compare to the way we treat them when we just first getting to know them. Unlike those new people in our lives that are already our friends (but not really close), we treat them extra special. Like we usually text them in a nice way with smileys or we always say OK to everything they ask even if it's not ok at all sometimes! :D

Which makes me think of our relationship with God! :) We choose to please other people rather than God! In fact, we set aside God all the time! NO? Just me? Oh, c'mon!

What do we usually do when we wake up in the morning? Look for your cellphone? Look for something to eat or wear? Go on facebook? Tweet? :O Can't we just pause and thank God for another day and say a little prayer the moment our eyes officially open? :)

We set aside Him because we know that He's always there for us. That He's just one prayer away, which is true! Yes, He's always there for us and He forgives BUT can you call it relationship when you remember Him when you just need something?

You see, sometimes, God becomes too familiar to us! He's like AIR. Can you imagine earth without air? Air sustains life here on earth. That's how important air is but do we always realize that? Do we always acknowledge the importance of it? Or even just the thought of having it? Do we notice air at all? :O Just like God, imagine life without Him? Do we always acknowledge His presence? When we are out with our friends having fun, do we even remember Him? :)

Aside from that, air is invisible! Can you see air? But we know its existence, right?

Just like God, we cannot see Him BUT most of us believe that He exist. We worship Him, we trust Him..

That's FAITH. We walk by faith and not by sight. And He is the only One who knows US. Yes, only HIM PERIOD. :)

So there, this is pretty long that's why I put it here. Can't believe I made this far :))

And the sad part is, can't still think of something to wear for tomorrow! HAHA! 

An answered prayer :)

Can I just post how thankful I am right now? :)

For the nth time, God has answered one of my prayers. Right after Victory Weekend last August, I've been praying to be used by God in advancement of His kingdom through discipleship. I was so thankful to be used by God last year to point some few friends back to Him and others to know Him more. However, I know deep down that there's a desire in my heart not just to point them but to do One2One with them. Unfortunately, most of them were guys, so, obviously, I can't do it with them. 

I didn't stop praying because I know there's a binding call for me to be used by God in this way. So, last Prayer&Fasting, it's one of my faith goals to lead my own Victory Group or even just to have One2One with ladies. And I've been believing for it since the year started. Even my Lifegroup leader has been praying for this. 

GUESS WHAT?

I don't have Victory Group yet! :)))

BUT I have two ladies doing One2One with at present. It is really indeed an answered prayer. And I had it for the first time last Friday and I was thankful how the Holy Spirit works. :)

The Holy Spirit enables me to answer questions that I don't even know how to answer. And the wisdom that coming from our Heavenly Father is just so amazing and overflowing. I always feel that I am filled with the Holy Spirit and my faith is awesomely increasing whenever I am being used by God.

Father God,

Up until now there are times that I can't still believe that YOU as the Sovereign Father of the Universe and Creator of Heaven and Earth loves me this way. That despite of me, being so imperfect, here you are loving me with all Your heart as Your daughter and You never fail to make me feel like Your princess. Thank you for answering my prayers. Though they took a long time sometimes but I appreciate it very well. Your kindness and love empowers me to love other people and be an instrument of the advancement of Your kingdom. Thank you for entrusting me Your two lovely princesses. May Your Spirit and Grace guide me as I lead them towards You. Always remind me that this it is all about YOU and You're just using me. Please help me not to rely on my own strength and understanding but in You alone. Lord, You know the desires of my heart. Some wants to glorify You but others might be for self-gratification. I pray that everyday You would increase my faith and remind me that I am living this life not for myself but for YOU and nothing else. I pray that You would pour out wisdom to me and that You will always remind me that YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR ME. 

Thank You, God!

Thank You, Jesus!

Thank You, Holy Spirit!

In Jesus mighty name I pray,

AMEN :)

Lies hurt.. NOT the truth!

When I was in college, I kept telling myself that the idea of "truth hurts" was really true. I lived by that idea. However, when I was walking on my way home earlier, I've realized that it's actually the other way around!

LIES HURT.. NOT THE TRUTH!

We think that truth hurts us because our hearts are filled with lies. We've known or accepted the lies, first, that's why we're in pain when reality checks in.

I was having a deep thought about my emotions lately and I couldn't help but to figure out what's causing this. I know that my heart is deceitful, nasty and corrupt! That's one great explanation.

Jeremiah 17:9 says, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"

That's why we need to GUARD it and ask God to change it!

However, while having an introspection about my emotions, I couldn't help but to dig old memories to sort out why I'm having this nasty feeling. Alright, you might be asking me, "how nasty is that to waste time figuring it out?", right? Actually, I think it's kinda normal because I'm pretty sure other people feel this way, too.

Who loves to feel stupid and idiot all the time? No one, right? Exactly! However, in my case since college, I've known one of my weaknesses was looking stupid and weak (this blog can prove) which has changed when God has given me a new heart and spirit.

At present, I don't see them as my weaknesses anymore but for some reason, I still feel a little hurt when I'm feeling stupid. Guess what? I found why!

WHY? Because there were some lies in my heart about myself that I haven't fully surrendered to GOD.

What are those?
... that I am smart (I AM NOT! I'm not even capable of following instructions in a lightning speed duhh?!)
... that I am impressive (I AM NOT! Feeling ko lang.. cos I'm not a typical lady, they say!)
... that I am open-minded (I AM NOT! I say, I understand but I judge in my mind sometimes!)
... that I am creative (I AM NOT! Most of my designs are crap and always needs to revise!)
... that I am talented (AM I NOT? If yes, in what area, then? See? I can't even answer!)
... that I am humble (Do I need to add up to this?)
... that I am contented (HELLO?! I'm insecure in some areas of my life and self!)

I THOUGHT I SURRENDERED EVERYTHING TO GOD but I haven't yet! I was blinded with those lies  since I started making decisions.

And you know what, while writing this, I suddenly remember our discussion in my Training for Victory class two weeks ago about repentance. There were questions in there that I noted because I was thinking of my own answer to those questions. That time, all I could think were superficial answers. Thank You, Holy Spirit, for bringing up the questions now! Here are the questions:

*What area of your life is God asking you to change at this moment?
*What are the lies you believed that made change difficult?
*What is the new truth that God wants you to believe so that you can have victory?

And now, I think I have answers to them straight from my heart. :)

Number 1? Being emotional and tend to feel down every time I face up my weaknesses.. feeling stupid moments! What are the lies? Scroll up! Answer to the last question? FIX MY EYES ON HIM AND SEE PROBLEMS IN DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE!

I believed those lies and not surrendered it because I was arrogant! I always say, I depend on God but not in all areas! I still do some things on my own, unconsciously!

The TRUTHS are..
... I AM STUPID and needs to exercise my brain every day!
... I AM NOT IMPRESSIVE
... I AM NOT OPEN-MINDED
... I AM NOT CREATIVE
... I AM NOT TALENTED
... I AM ARROGANT AND SELF-CENTERED
... I AM UNHAPPY in some areas of my life despite of all things that Christ has done for me!

I am hurt sometimes because I haven't surrendered these things to GOD. I tend to rely on my own strength and ability sometimes. Those truths are true, that's why they're truth! I am very imperfect but I am loved by a perfect GOD! Yes, despite of me, and not just me, even you! Don't you just love that truth? :)

You see, I took up the repentance two weeks ago BUT the Holy Spirit just spoke to me today.

LIES hurt us.. not the truth! It actually paralyzed us.. SO, we should identify the lies we've been believing in order for us to appreciate the lightness of truth. Why do we need to identify? Can't we just jump to the truth and embrace it? NO! If the lies cannot be identified then the truth cannot be placed inside! :)

Father God,


You are amazing! Realizing these things makes me love You more and more! I surrender all the lies in my heart, so I can fully trust in You. Forgive me for just surrendering them now. Thank You for loving me in spite or me and despite of me. Keep transforming me with Your truth. Guard and lead my heart because I am powerless and I can't do this on my own.


In Jesus name I pray,


Amen 

Reveal my purpose!

Last night while listening to the preaching at my church, a revelation came in. Then, I thought that maybe it was an answered prayer. Earlier that day while I was preparing for church, I was talking to God asking Him a lot of questions about my purpose. I was telling Him that at present He is the only reason why I live or that He's the only one that I live for. And then, I couldn't help but to ask Him if I'm still in the right path. 

I was asking Him these questions:

.. Am I fulfilling your purpose?

.. Is it really you who put me into this job or is it me?

.. Are you still there guiding me all the way? Or am I just walking alone?

Also, I was asking Him to guide me and show me clear directions, so I could fulfill His purpose and continuously follow Him. 

Now, like what I've said, He answered my prayer. While our pastor was preaching about the series "Love Different: Follow Your Heart", a revelation popped in saying that I made a right decision of following His command nine months ago. I remember asking Him that time if I should look for another job or stay and His voice was very clear saying "You stay, I'm with you. You will learn a lot." Same voice that I've been hearing lately. And He is right. I've been learning a lot in my job.  However, I thought it was just about me learning but I was totally wrong. Last night, He made me realize that it's actually not about me at all! It's about HIM using me to fulfill His purpose for other people. YES, He's been using me... :)

LOOK! He's right! It's not an accident that I got to be friend with a passionate dreamer who's now getting really really passionate in walking with Jesus. It's not an accident that I've been friend with a wife trying to be strong and now believing for healing through building a relationship with God. It's not an accident that I got to hang out with a sixteen-year-old girl who is on fire for Jesus and asking for guidance not to go astray. Also, it is not an accident that one of the closest person and I found our road back to God. And finally (I've been praying and believing for this), it is not an accident that I am surrounded with lost people.. people who are tired to go with the flow and meet the standard of this world... people who really want to know Jesus but afraid to take a baby step because they are afraid to feel left out in this world.

You see, I've been having the idea of God using me long time ago but I never thought that the career that I have is really really much greater than I thought. I thought He's just using this job as a channel of His blessing to me and to increase my skills. I really thought it's all about ME! See? That's how self-centered I am! I always think about myself that sometimes I don't even get noticed the essential things happening on the side.

BUT IT IS ALL ABOUT HIM.

And you don't know how grateful I am to know this revelation. I am just so honored being used by Him. Like this time, I need to remind myself over and over that my self-centeredness will just ruin His purpose He has for me and for the people around me.

IMAGINE if I didn't obey Him nine months ago.. IMAGINE if just acted upon emotion (Lord, you know how depressed I was back then) and based my decision right on the way I felt.. IMAGINE if I just pretended that I didn't hear His voice that time..

WELL, I really can't imagine! :D

BUT thank You, God!You just made me realize that it's always Your Will that should be done not mine. And right now, I just don't care if I'm suffering or hurt or frustrated! Emotions are emotions, Your purpose matters. If my suffering would fulfill Your plans for other people to get saved and know You..

GO AHEAD, Lord! 

Have it Your way! :)

Attention to detail!

One afternoon, when I was walking on my way home I started to think and evaluate how my day went. I committed minor errors at some of my tasks and of course, I slightly felt sad about it. I started to feel like I would never ever finish a week without committing errors. And the thing is, whenever I commit errors it affects my relationship with my boss. 

How many of you know or feel when you make something incorrectly at work it's hard for you to face your boss? And you get irritated with yourself and start beating yourself up mentally over and over again! I'm so good at that. In fact, whenever I make mistake, it feels like our relationship is breaking into pieces one by one so, it's like I just want to avoid her. Like sometimes, I feel like I just want to ask question to her and all she needs to do is just to answer that and period. But of course, that's no good. So, I always force myself to talk to her more whenever I make mistakes. My question was WHY is it like that? Why do we always feel so ashamed after committing mistakes? Seriously, it makes me not concentrate and focus on my tasks because the errors keep bursting in. It makes me hard to go on! 

And this week, it's been my "kaizen" to figure out my problem and find ways to improve my brain because obviously, I want to keep my job. But first, I had to do my Bible study and my T4V assignments. :)

As I was doing the chapter one of my Purple Book earlier, God has revealed something to me that mirrors my question above. The first chapter was about Sin & Salvation. It actually refreshed my mind from the creation God to the fall of man in Genesis.

When God placed Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, God so loved them that He provided everything to them. WOW! Imagine if you were in the position of Adam and Eve, it could be really an amazing life because you wouldn't need to worry about what to eat or drink, plus, you have a close contact relationship with God! However, God commanded them not eat from one tree in the Garden because it bore forbidden fruit and if they eat it they will die. The thing is, since Adam and Eve were innocents they didn't understand that God was actually meant for death during that time was separation with Him. So, the two disobeyed God and sinned. When their eyes got open, they realized they were naked and sewed fig leaves to cover up and hid themselves from the presence of God. However, God still sought humanity and even if they sinned and got kicked out from the Garden of Eden, He showed His mercy by providing that animals could be sacrificed for sins atonement and later on, Jesus.

When we sin against God we usually hide our faces in His presence just like what Adam and Eve did. I can really relate into that because sometimes when I tell little lies or disobey Him, I feel like I am not qualified to worship Him even if I already asked for His forgiveness. And even when I'm worshiping Him, sometimes no matter how hard and soulfully I worship Him, still, it feels like it's not authentic! But then again, that's the enemy's job to distract us and make us feel that we need to perform more and that God could never forgive us just like that. I think that's one reason why some believers are backliding. The enemy is doing a great job in planting in their minds that they are not worthy to worship God because of their sins and repentance is just nothing. However, we forget that what we have is a forgiving God! That the moment we are thinking of asking forgiveness, He already forgave us! WOW! What a merciful and loving God! :)

Anyway, I'm sharing this because it's like my situation with my boss. Whenever I commit errors, I apologize and let me go on with my work but still, I feel like my apologies are not enough, so, it makes me feel really disconnected with her. Of course, I have to improve and find better ways to avoid making mistakes because it's my job to be accurate at work and I want to keep it. But then, again, I just realized that just like God my boss is merciful to me! Despite of the hundreds of error I make (I really hope not hundreds, I'm exaggerating) she still asks and figures out how it happens a lot times. And she's even the ones adjusting sometimes and helping me out to improve. I appreciate her for that.

BUT please, don't get me wrong I'm not putting God and my boss in the same level, I'm just trying to connect the situations. God is the highest, of course! So, likewise, since I appreciate how merciful our God is and the value of His grace, I'm living my life as a Thank You to Him and trying not to fall to sin (with the help and guidance of the Holy Spirit.) And since, I also appreciate the patience of my boss to me, I just googled an exercise online that would help me improve my attention to details. I'm setting up a quiz for myself everyday and I will post it here for fun! You see, attention to detail is not for everyone, so, since I love my job, I better help myself to improve! :)