Monday, October 18, 2010

Happy Tuesday!

I just want to dissapear at the moment.

There's a lot of noise floating in my goddam head and it feels like I'm just waiting for someone to take away my life. I'm so tired of doing things that I don't even care about! Things that you're doing not because you want it but simply because you need money!

I know I deserve something great than sitting in front of this goddam computer and teaching strangers. However, for some reason, I can't seem to find my way to get out of this goddam place. Maybe because I know some people are bugging me to quit. You know how I hate when people are manipulating or taking control over my life. Look, we all have brains. And I have lots of it, so I don't deserve to be treated as someone who doesn't have it. No one has the power to tell me what I should be doing in this goddam life except you're God. I only need God's guidance, not yours so back off! I am sick of doing things because I need them for living. And it kills me, thinking that I can't do something about it simply because the ugly truth in this goddam world is
NO MATTER WHAT WE DO, MONEY ALWAYS GETS IN THE WAY!

I'm trying to understand everything, but everytime I do, it sends me to a gruesome realization that I should understand myself first before anything else. Understanding the world will do you no good, if you can't even understand yourself in the first place. It's difficult and sometimes I just want to dissapear in this goddam world. I want to break free from the mindsets of all those creatures around me.

Why is it impossible for me to accept that I can never break free from those fucking people? We are all product of our environment. No matter what we do, we can't change the world nor the mindsets of all the human beings we're dealing with in our daily lives. Well, actually I don't even want to change the world or even the mindsets of people because that's senseless and that would never happen. I'm just sick of them!

I just want to do all the things I care about!
I just want to break free from the stereotype that we should work hard all our lives just to die!
I just want people to understand me that I'm not like them, we are all different!
I just want them to respect my belief towards life.
I just want to stay away from those people who keeps telling me what I should be doing in this goddam life.
And more importantly, I want to BE HAPPY!