WORST ENEMY

OH GOD WHY AM I GOOD IN FIGURING OUT OTHER PEOPLE OBJECTIVELY?
AND WHY AM I GOOD IN TELLING MYSELF HOW TO FEEL?

Questions above were sailing inside my brain this passed few weeks. And seriously, I am still uncertain about it. Is it good or bad? Questions like that are still unanswered. But one things for sure. it is very helpful I think.

Have you ever experience asking yourself if you are as normal as those people you get to interact with everyday?
Well as for me, I am experiencing that as of this moment.
I remembered when I was young I was thinking that I am an abnormal child. It is because I feel like vomiting every time I brush my tongue. It was really crazy thinking about that I am abnormal just because of that. Thanks to my classmate who told me that he too experiencing the same shit, at least I know I'm still normal.

Remembering it is parallel to mind bugling never ending questions in my head before my world officially shut to welcome myself in the dream land.
In the world where I belong, my cliques I'm digging at the moment truly follow their hearts and emotions. They never care of other people's sarcastic comments. They never care to bother if people will call them stupid and lame. They love to share their tragic stories on how their boyfriends cheated on them and could possibly repeat it gazillion times. They never get tired of crying. Plus, badmouthing their boyfriends in a jest way by other friends could be a crest fallen for them.

Why tha hell are they like that?
For Christ sake, being like that is like looking at yourself lay flat on the ground with thousands of people stepping on your face. Am I right? Or I just extremely love myself that I don't want to be a pathetic loser in the eyes of many people? WELL I just can't understand why am I so different from them. I don't question who they are though I have to admit that I am really good in questioning other people's capabilities but then NO. This time, I am questioning myself. Why am I like this? I always tell myself how and what to feel, what to say and whom to talk to. And if I am being real to my true feelings it feels like it's not me. Do you get my point? It's being opposite to reality because I use to this kind of system. I really feel bad about this SOMETIMES. Yea not always because still half of me is very consistent that it is not always emotions that matter the most.

I feel better when I talk to no one about my feelings. Because for me talking about the pain just prolong it. How will you get over to someone or even to something if you keep on talking about it. Then listeners of your story will pity you, Jeeezz, that's crazy! You don't have to brag that you had been cheated several times because it's embarrassing. And essentially, you don't have to brag to others that you are good in flirting with different kinds of guy in the planet because that doesn't make you look hot but instead it makes you look desperate. But if you girls are happy with what your doing right now and enjoy being slut in the eyes of people, then go on. Can't do something about it because I use to be like that before but not anymore because I've realized that there is more to life than that. So what if I am good when it comes to boys, what if boys disappeared and never exist? What will happen to me? Ya know, questions like that woke me up in the reality that the highest achievement you'll get is learning and that's it PERIOD.

"Ang kalaban mo yung sarile mo ee",
that was according to my ex boyfriend.
And maybe he's right.
My worst enemy is myself. What my mind says is always contradicting to what my heart feels and that is horribly confusing swear! I really don't know what and how to feel sometimes. It so difficult to live inside this mind and body sometimes. Blah.. blah!

I hope I am normal. Normal in a sense that other people have their own dilemma which is parallel to mine. He/she maybe not here in the Philippines but that's okay at least I know I am not alone. Anyway, I think I have to correct the statement in the beginning of the last paragraph before this. I feel better when I talk to no one about my feelings except GOD. Oh yea. He is my number one favorite listener. My life would not this great without His guidance. I maybe not see Him or hear Him but I know He's always beside me. And thinking about His blessings gives my life mirth and I should be thankful for that.